Friday, August 30, 2013

Whataweek! A reflection


The Two "Non-schoolers"
I remember on the Monday of the first week of teaching the children last year.  Chris walked in the door, I was all dressed in workout clothes. I quickly greeted him and headed out the door for a walk.  I needed to get away from the echo's of "MOMMY I NEED HELP" and "CAN YOU WIPE MY BOTTOM?"  I felt frazzled and had to pray to bring my self down from the intense feeling that I was not cut out for this.  The year got better, mostly because I slacked off and drank more... but never the less I rarely felt like I needed to run away. 
What a difference a year makes.  Hang on!  This first week was a smooth flow of  Virtues and Saints, Handwriting and Reading, History and Math, Science and Hands on fun.  Even the 4 year old has been integrated into our day and isn't on the fringe playing Legos or begging for attention.  The 19 month old sits with us and eats cereal or plays with/eats play dough, but she seems happy too. I believe it is because I am happy.  I made my own curriculum.  I prepared extensively during the last weeks of summer.  Our work is based in great works of literature and not in dry textbooks.  We work as a family.  I Love It. A HUGE help has been Teaching Textbooks  for math.  It is all on the computer and I just have to check the grades.
Last year I thought my favorite thing about homeschooling would be sleeping in and staying in pajamas all day.  Well, when I wear the clothes I slept in, all day, I feel like a hobo.
  This year (so far...) I get up at 6 and go to the gym.  I have prayer time.   I come home ready for my J.O.B.  The kids get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, and make their beds.  All of this tells our sleepy brains "Hey! Its time to get serious."
  I love to stay up late.  I mean, I feel deeply rebellious against bed time.  The natural consequence of going to bed late because you were watching Duck Dynasty, is,  if you get up early, you feel like crap.  (Well, you do if you are old like me.) So, as much as I really hate it.  I have to go to bed, before 11. So far so good... well except for last night, I went out with my friends who also homeschool their children.  There is nothing like being with a bunch of Catholic ladies, who are "in the same boat" as I am, while being served tequila.  So. Much. Fun. We were loud and My friend and I got a chance to evangelize to our waiter.
 
 
So with all that said.  I pray, that I can be consistent.  Like most weaklings, I can start things with the best of them, what is the merit in that?? But sticking with it long term is H-A-R-D for me! They are worth it-  Those little sweet souls that God gave Chris and I to guide.  So if you read this.  Pray for me.  
 

 


Friday, August 23, 2013

So Much

I have spent the better part of the last week "lesson planning"  I am enjoying it.  Maybe I just enjoy the perfectly valid excuse to be off by myself in quiet. I have a great reason to grab a snack, get the kids busy with something, and tuck myself into a corner with the computer along with lots of fun supplies, and lay out plans for the year.
I often marvel at how much God leads me around life.  I find myself smack dab in the center of His will for me without much effort.  (Lately, it as simple as saying yes to my husbands decisions) I will often look at a given situation and swear that it can't be what I want or need, but God leads and I follow and it ends up better than I could have imagined.  Homeschooling is one of these such situations.  I remember sitting with a friend when we lived in Houston and literally making fun of women who would be crazy enough to undertake such an endeavor.  (We currently are both homeschooling our children.)  In our house when your foolish behavior backfires on you, we say "See, God don't like Ugly" yes I realize how horrible the grammar is, but it is gratifying when a child is pointing and laughing at their sibling and in their distraction trips and falls to say it...God don't like ugly... well I pointed and laughed at homeschoolers and tripped and fell right into it!
We find ourselves at a cross roads when it comes to where we will attend Church.  We have had few lovely grace filled years going to an Eastern rite Catholic Church, which I fought tooth and nail when my husband suggested we visit. Being a part of that parish brought new friends, new perspective, and new life adventures.  In prayer. Chris and I have heard Our Lord calling us away from our little Church.  We have been attending an Anglican Use Catholic church.  (If you wonder what that is click here.) Again, I am being led and not very smoothly.  I doubt my husband and his wisdom, I look to my feelings for guidance rather than Gods whisper of a voice.  Not to say we will leave St. Basil's behind completely, I love the tradition so much that I couldn't stay away. Still though, its sad to move on but peaceful to know you are resting in the hands of the one who made you and knows you.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Trim Healthy Mama

I am the queen of diet bandwagons.  I have done Atkins, South beach,  Cabbage soup, various cleanses,  juice fasts, raw foods, veganism, and many other diets.   My weight over the years has gone up and down. I just am one of those people who struggles!  Every joy filled birth of a baby is followed by a super motivated few weeks of eating ultra healthy and then a burn out and lots of self loathing.  I get motivated again and start that cycle over.  I feel most frustrated in the mornings standing in my closet before church trying to find something "cute", or when I am about to see an old friend that knew me when I had a metabolism.  I fret over profile pictures and wear lots of yoga pants in between my "good weight" phases because I WILL NOT buy clothes over a certain size. (I tell my self that I don't deserve them.)
So here is where I tell you about my new bandwagon, except it's not.  I believe I found a way of thinking about food and life that can be my nutritional transportation through this life as I journey toward heaven with my family. 
A book called Trim Healthy Mama has been such a blessing to me.  The long and short of the actual eating is not to mix (good) carbohydrates and (good) fats.  If you have a higher carb meal full of delicious (unprocessed) carbohydrates you keep your fat grams low. Still though, we are careful with carbohydrates!  If you have a fatty meal, full of scrumptious nuts and cheese, you keep your carbs very low.  You leave time between those meals so your body is only using one fuel at a time.  Guess what?  It helps you feel great and lose weight! 
The book is SO MUCH more than that.  I was convicted about how I often go on a diet and leave my family in the convenience food dirt! Mommy has a salad, kids have chicken nuggets... sad!  The authors talk about feeding their families well.  I have started making my husband's lunch, everyday- not just sometimes, it's a discipline for me, but I love him enough to do it. The book talks about our responsibility as Christian wives to keep in shape for our families!  We want to be full of energy, not irritable and grouchy.  It has empowered me to make sensible choices and not desperate "oh no I need to loose weight NOW" choices.  I also don't need to go to great lengths to buy special foods only found at high end grocery stores, if I don't want to.
I enjoy talking to women about Natural Family Planning because I find that this method of spacing  my children is most respectful of my natural fertility (yes I have 5 kids but we wanted them all and I've been married for 13 years, so lets do the math on how many I physically could have, It works is all I'm saying!) NFP contributes to my feeling valued and never used with in our sexual relationship.  As oppose to keeping myself from getting pregnant by ways that disrupt my natural state.  This way of eating is like that for weight loss and health.  It works with your body and helps get your head in the game too.  It took a good week after I finished the book too feel more confident in what to eat  and when.  I refer to the book constantly.  I have been making some new things that my family loves (some they hate) I don't feel obsessed with a way of eating. I feel like food fits into it's rightful place.  I enjoy it and I know the things I am putting in my mouth, and  those of my sweet family, are good and contributing to their long term health.
I also keep praying.  Praying for temperance, praying for humility, and patience.  I fell strongly that all the things we need to cure diseases were given to us by God in our foods and other things found in nature. (not that we don't go to the doctor when we need to)  I have confidence in Him to lead me to the right things in all the situations of our life.  I am grateful for this book.  I wanted to share.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Morning Mantras

As I strech in the morning.  I have started to repeat a few things and it helps my out look and I think it is working to change my behavior.  I say them through out the day too.  I pray for these intentions.
I can
Respond in Kindess and Gentilness to my children
Choose good things for my body
Do battle with Evil and with God by my side I win
Take a U turn quickly if I get off my path and get back on the right one!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

After Lent is Easter :)

Well as usual I think we could have done better this lent.  I do think we succeeded in teaching our children that sacrifice should be a habit, in small ways everyday die to your self and tell your flesh "No thanks, God is in control here"
I have been sick for 2 weeks, I am now at the tale end of a horrible cold.  With just a tickle and cough left.  It's been a long time since the Momma of the house has been sick to the point I was in bed for 2 days.  I feel like it will be a month before I catch up with the house work and school missed.
Deep breath and, Ahhhh, Easter...Pascha... Christ is risen! Indeed he has risen!  We spent the day once again at St. Basil the Great eating and drinking with our church family.  I love it.  Truly my favorite day of the year.
I left Facebook behind for lent and I can't say I am all that ready to pick it back up.  It opened up more time for reading good books and prayer.  I am better with out Facebook in my life. 
I am watching a rousing game of  UNO among my children and a friend of theirs, super funny.

Yesterday we had a guy come to install cable Internet in our house.  He was here for 6 hours, told me his life story, used my husband's tools, complained about his job, ate dinner with us, in the end decided he may want to come back to the Catholic church.  Ha, well I feel like it was such a weird experience.  I am praying for him today.  When sweet hubby saw the terrible job the guy did and heard my stories of our day he is calling the company to complain... I am hopeful that God will still work for the Good of that strange man. That's all I have to say about that.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Papa!

What a day yesterday.  We had a friend over for a play date. I got a pope alarm text on my phone and we turned on the television to watch and wait for Papa to appear!  It was such fun.  The children were dancing around and we had a little ice cream party to celebrate Pope Francis I!  It was so powerful to pray with our WHOLE Church an Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be.  Our big universal Church, against which the gates of Hell can not prevail.

The day is beautiful again.  We went to the Zoo on Tuesday with lots of friends. My sweet friend Kelly was in town for the last few days and sadly she ended up sick and laying on my couch.  She barley mustered up the strength to drive home today. 

Last night was a little party for N's basketball team.  I got to have some nice chats with Mommies there and enjoy their company.  The Moms that I hung out with send their children to school They were talking about how they will only have one home next year.  It really made me feel a little envious.  I offer that to God and I know he will lead us to exactly what we are suppose to do.  I love having the children home and honestly if pressed, even if I was offered free tuition at a good Catholic school, I don't know that I feel like it's God's will for our family right now to have the children go to a conventional school.  The thought of having only L at home next year is such a temptation. Ugh...


Thursday, February 21, 2013

This is how is should be.

Last night a priest friend of ours came over and had dinner.  It was a lovely evening. I made a yummy gumbo and we got to do a lot of chatting and enjoying of the children's antics.  The purpose of his visit was for our 7yr old Noah.  In the Eastern Church a person receives all the sacraments of illumination at once (Baptism, Chrismation or Confirmation, and Holy Eucharist) This leaves the sacrament of reconciliation to be determined by the parents.  Some children are ready early for this sacrament, as they seem to know right and wrong. Some little ones are ready later, just as we learn to walk differently our age of "reason" is not exactly the same. Noah is an old soul, I mean he is all little boy in his silliness, but he seems to be more aware of holiness, and concerned about the things of heaven, than my other kids.
So after dinner, Father and Noah went into a room and Noah got to go to confession for the first time.  After he was done saying a solemn and fervent  "Our Father"  for penance (I peeked into his room he was so sweet kneeling there), we gave him presents and the other children were jumping up and down (Jacob and Lily with out knowing why!) and it was s celebration.  And I just couldn't help think of the "rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents" (Luke 11) I just knew this is how it should be!  I am grateful for last night and the memory it made for our family.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Just need to say

Today is a beautiful day. It's going to be in the 70s and the children are playing outside. Lily and I are enjoying the breeze blowing through the house. This morning we talked about St Bernadette and blessed ourselves with Lourdes water that I got long ago from the spring in Lourdes France. We have a friend from church who spent the night with the boys. It keeps them busy and happy when we have a friend over to play.
Last night Grace and I traveled to a town near by to a consignment sale and got some great deals on clothes and she got a bike (in-spite of leaving hers out and getting it stolen) she's been bike-less for a few months and has been hoping for one. She loves to be outside.
We are visiting the nursing home today. I hope we spread some love!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Joy down in my heart.

My start this time is a question.  What does God want me to do?  He has clearly given me charge of 5 souls.  I know mostly my parenting consists in giving them back to Him.  But the part that I have in my hands, how do I fashion it into what he wants?  I resoundingly hear Him asking of me JOY, be a joyful Christian, a joyful woman, wife and mother. Just as soon as I say Yes Lord, I find my self frustrated and grouching at my children and being critical of my husband. 
I have denied it and tried to do with out it, but I know that the answer is the sacraments.  Confession, go more than you think you should. Eucharist, receive more than Sunday.   Visit our Lord in the tabernacle.  We attend an Eastern rite Catholic Church.  I love it there. The liturgy is so beautiful.  It turns my eyes toward heaven.  I leave Liturgy with a renewed sense of being a daughter of God.  Sadly, though, since I began to attend my little Eastern church I have abandon my fervor for the sacraments. I find myself giving into false humility prompted by Satan at how often I fall. Today during Liturgy I had a loud voice in my head telling me that in my current state I do not deserve to be there.  Then I hear the Lord counter, "My daughter you never deserve to be here, but I love you and you are mine and I want you here" I resolve to seek your grace Lord in the sacraments of your church more often this lent.  "O God come to my aid; O Lord make haste to help me" (Psalm 70:1)

Monday, January 28, 2013

Mondays and other light burdens

   It's that breathing time of day for me.  All the older children have finished their assignments and baby is sleeping and the little messes have been righted.  The kids are now outside "building a robot" which sprung from my attempt at getting Ike to enjoy writing.  We brainstormed a topic, he picked robots.  We researched.  We organized thoughts and ended on that note.  My boy though, of course,  would rather go build the robot so as soon as school ended.   Out he went equipped with the tools he got for Christmas and some scrap wood from a household project.  I am excited to see what he will build.  It also helped me to reflect on how no matter how i try to make the perfect situation for him to be a good writer, he is who he is.  It is a blessing that I can embrace that.   I'm just not sure how to sneak essentials in like, writing, spelling, and reading among the very important boy stuff that naturally goes on around here. I want to teach him the value of glorifying God though his weekends.  *sigh*
   So blah, it is January, it's gray outside, and the next big thing to look forward to is the sacrifices of lent.  (I mean that is good, but ya know...sacrifice is hard!)  I need a shower, I've already had plenty of coffee... so I just need to stick the smile on and find joy in the moment.  I can do that.  So can you.


  They made an airplane on which they drew each member of our family looking out the windows and an airport too :)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Me Time!

I have always prided myself on being the type of mom who wants to be with my kids.  I mean all the time.  That is still true!  I love 'em.  I love home-schooling because they are with me all day.  I love to take them with me when I go places.  I love to hear what they have to say and I enjoy watching them grow, careful not to miss a step.
I was raised though, with an impression that left me thinking: "In order to be a good mother you must be a victim, you must pour out your life and keep nothing for yourself.  You must dress shabby so they can look good, you must look tired so they can sleep, you must remind them often of how much you sacrifice for them"  This sounds so noble doesn't it?  Oh so loving.    I see now... now that I am a mother, a wife, a woman, that this is a lie. 
Giving your children the example of a mother who takes care of herself is valuable.  Showing them that I am (and they see by example that they are) worth taking care of.  Even Jesus retreated from the crowds. I want them to know that in order to give like they should, they must be whole.  They need to take time to pray.  Take time to "re-create" them selves through recreation (Like that little play on words? =-P )  It's okay to know your boundaries by asking for help and to saying NO when it is due.  I don't need to fall apart in front of my family when I am at my wits end so they will pity me and let me get away for a bit.  I need to be the woman who plans time with my Lord everyday.  Who plans time here and there to get away for a bit  and take care of the daughter of God that I am. Then my hands are full to give to them.  We need to water our roots.  I wish I would have known this a long time ago.  I want to be an example of someone who knows how to give, and give generously, but I want them to know that it is good to love yourself (not to be confused with self absorbtion!) When I do these things I am a better wife.  I have love to lavish on my husband, and time and attention for my sweet little children.  I have peace.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The visitation

My Mom is visiting in a couple of days.  It has been a while since we have seen her!  Little L will seem like she has grown a bunch to Nana I'm sure.
I am hoping that the changes in me will be just as obvious.  I have been working in prayer to allow Jesus to help me be the type of woman who anticipates others needs, who can, in humility, allow unsolicited advice and even snide or annoying comments fade away and respond in charity.  It is often hard to deal with people in the present moment as we keep past hurts and memories that shape our responses to people.  I desire very much to be the woman that my daughters (and sons of course) can look at and know that I am doing my darnedest to have a heart like Mother Mary's heart.
 I am reading a book called Boundaries and it has helped me so much to to know  the fact that I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW AN ADULT CONDUCTS THEMSELVES.  I can only control how I react and I choose to react with peace.   It is okay to pause and tell someone that you need just a minute to process what they are saying before you respond.   I will continue to pray and read.... I also want to remind my self that listening to someone without inserting yourself into what they are saying, and then responding in charity, will bring peace.

We have a tummy bug going through the family.  Hubby came home early today and I feel such warmth when I get to serve him when he is sick.  (Not that I want him to be sick!:) We have been so blessed as of late, even when there is sickness in our house we seem to still get plenty of sleep.
Ike is a basketball and L is sleeping and the older ones are watching a movie.  I enjoy so much to come here and record my thoughts.  (If I had a glass of wine it may be even better, darn south beach diet) 
L turned one a few days ago.  I love that little bright light. She walks and climbs and says not a word unless I yell out one of the other kids names and she will mimic me.  N turns 7, I cant believe it...  7! in a few days and I love him too ahhhhhh where does time go?   "Don't cry that it is over, smile because it happened."  ~Dr Seuss
 Look back and smile... then move on in joy.  Deep breath... Life is so good.  Thank you my dear Lord.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

the gang

I love when our family is traveling in a pack. If I had it my way we would even take grocery trips as a family (husband included of course!)  Today we spent time with friends and the boys skipped going to Boy Scouts and we were all together.  I feel so happy and peaceful about it all.  For a moment though, as we were driving home a thought came,  what's it all for?  What do I hope to instill in these people with my diligence in keeping them so very close to me.  I hope it gives them a sense of security.  I want them to be loyal and I want to protect them.  I hope that as they grow up they will keep their families close to Chris and I and their children close to them. I have such a sad feeling when I sit and think of an empty home, and all the littles off living separate lives, crossing mine only here and there.  I have a good friend, one whom I respect, that when we discussed this, she looked ahead with joy at her kids leaving and getting to spend retired years with her husband.  I have a hard time with that.  I of course, love my sweet husband and I do love to spend time with him.  I can't though, shake the edge of sadness that comes when I think about the days of no more legos to step on and no more constant "mom, mom, mom!"  My only solution to this is a general one.  Trust in God,  and rely not on your own understanding.  Life is good and it makes sense as it is because all we have is the present.  I can't wrap my head around a "what if".  When we get there God will be there too, and I will have the grace to have peace in those moments too.                                                                                                                                            

Thursday, January 10, 2013

self and sacrament

Lately my inner dialog has been like a little battle. My feelings are "self" seeking and my rational thoughts are speaking to "self" and telling her to do the right thing.  I usually try to catch sourness on the plane of thoughts and root it out.  I can tell it has been a while since I have been to confession when "self" begins to push out from within like a pushy bossy witch. 
Oh how much "self" wants be defensive when someone has hurt her feelings, or stepped on her, oh so sensitive, toes.  I have little eyes watching and little ears listening.  Without the sacraments it is very difficult to keep "self" hidden from the delicate little ones in my care. I find my "self" complaining out loud about people I have taught them to respect.  I find my "self" losing my temper about little things that I don't want to be important.  I mostly end up hiding behind things (like computers or other meaningless activities) instead of engaging my children or husband.
So- He is my strength when I am weak and I once again turn my eyes toward heaven and ask my Abba Father to pull me out of the mess I've made, clean me up, and give me a white as snow garment to wear. He does.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Burf day

Tomorrow I turn 34.  I have 5 children a husband who loves me and who takes care of and treasures our family. I sit here watching Texas football and nursing a sweet little Lily.  I am who I want to be.  A daughter of God, Chris' wife, my children's mother.  There is someone close to me, who finds every reason not to own who they are, not to look at their life and say this is who I am and I am going to dive in and be the best at it.  I don't want miss any of this  beautiful life because I am looking around, or down, or back.   I am seeking God's will, and I trust that he made me because he wanted to, because I am good and I know looks at me with mercy so I don't have to go around worrying about how much He loves me, I see it all over.  I hope with joy that I grow in holiness and that I please Him.  I'm so blessed to know how to do that.  I need to love, love lots and deeply.  Love my family, love my neighbor, and love my self, yup love me enough to take care of my soul and my body (I love my family by doing this too)
I have a burden though, for my country.  I want to renew my desire to pray for it.   I know God wants good for the USA.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

First world problems hehe

2013 a good time to return to blogging after a hiatus. 
We had a lovely Christmas, we went to mass at "Mapita's" church.  It was sad to miss Christmas with our church family at St Basil's but I know it was important to her that we be with her.  We went to her house where the children were given lots of gifts. The Children get a little overwhelmed, so much "stuff" at once leads to none of the gifts meaning anything.  The kids become grouchy and truly over stimulated.  I risk seeming ungrateful, but I have the best interest of my children at heart. I am truly grateful to her though for her intentions of making all the children feel loved and special.  I have spoken to many parents who feel this way... anyway i know there are worse "problems" to have...
We spent Christmas morning here at home.  Chris reads the story of the nativity and the children open a couple presents and then we head to Grandma and Grand-dad's house.  There is a big meal and more presents.  It was blessed.
For new years eve we went to some dear friends house where we celebrated and enjoyed time together. 
Chris went back to work today.  I wish he was here still but we need to ease back into school mode.

I have run out of time... back to life