hope

I find the internet to be a distraction often, but I also find some inspiration here.  It's nice to find camaraderie among women who are living a similar life.  I learn from them,  I get tips and tricks.  My own earthly mother is lovely, but she was wounded as a child in many ways. Her own mother died when she was young and her mothering of me looked a lot like a friendship.  I treasure the women in my life that I can look to for an example of cooking, cleaning, and ordering a home.(I treasure my own sweet mother too!) I see many bad habits that become even more apparent as I age, that could have their roots in my childhood and the model that my mother gave me.  I do not blame her in anyway for this, it simply- is.
I often long to know and talk to my paternal grandmother who mothered 10 children.  She died when I was small.  I hope that she offers me her intersession in heaven.
The virtue of orderliness is a struggle for me.  I hate to get up early.  I would rather float along through life staying up late, eating out, and having others clean up my messes.  I remember thinking when I was younger that I didn't want children.  This life I lead turns me inside out.  13 years into my marriage I am still so imperfect.  I know, and my husband knows, that the desire of my heart is truly to be a good wife and mother. It would be very easy for me to give into despair when I fail.  I have a hard time living in the moment and can have an all or nothing attitude toward most things. 
My hope is that God sees my heart.  My sweet Lord knows that I want to be better and even though I rarely win the war, a battle well fought, in the moment, is pleasing and remembered by God.
Yesterday and tomorrow... heck even 5 min from this second are not real.  now-- now is all you have, do the best with it.  take it in your hands and make it right. then do that again. and again. and if  you fail. stop and pick up the next moment and do the Next right thing in that moment! yes you can.