So Much

I have spent the better part of the last week "lesson planning"  I am enjoying it.  Maybe I just enjoy the perfectly valid excuse to be off by myself in quiet. I have a great reason to grab a snack, get the kids busy with something, and tuck myself into a corner with the computer along with lots of fun supplies, and lay out plans for the year.
I often marvel at how much God leads me around life.  I find myself smack dab in the center of His will for me without much effort.  (Lately, it as simple as saying yes to my husbands decisions) I will often look at a given situation and swear that it can't be what I want or need, but God leads and I follow and it ends up better than I could have imagined.  Homeschooling is one of these such situations.  I remember sitting with a friend when we lived in Houston and literally making fun of women who would be crazy enough to undertake such an endeavor.  (We currently are both homeschooling our children.)  In our house when your foolish behavior backfires on you, we say "See, God don't like Ugly" yes I realize how horrible the grammar is, but it is gratifying when a child is pointing and laughing at their sibling and in their distraction trips and falls to say it...God don't like ugly... well I pointed and laughed at homeschoolers and tripped and fell right into it!
We find ourselves at a cross roads when it comes to where we will attend Church.  We have had few lovely grace filled years going to an Eastern rite Catholic Church, which I fought tooth and nail when my husband suggested we visit. Being a part of that parish brought new friends, new perspective, and new life adventures.  In prayer. Chris and I have heard Our Lord calling us away from our little Church.  We have been attending an Anglican Use Catholic church.  (If you wonder what that is click here.) Again, I am being led and not very smoothly.  I doubt my husband and his wisdom, I look to my feelings for guidance rather than Gods whisper of a voice.  Not to say we will leave St. Basil's behind completely, I love the tradition so much that I couldn't stay away. Still though, its sad to move on but peaceful to know you are resting in the hands of the one who made you and knows you.

Joy down in my heart.

My start this time is a question.  What does God want me to do?  He has clearly given me charge of 5 souls.  I know mostly my parenting consists in giving them back to Him.  But the part that I have in my hands, how do I fashion it into what he wants?  I resoundingly hear Him asking of me JOY, be a joyful Christian, a joyful woman, wife and mother. Just as soon as I say Yes Lord, I find my self frustrated and grouching at my children and being critical of my husband. 
I have denied it and tried to do with out it, but I know that the answer is the sacraments.  Confession, go more than you think you should. Eucharist, receive more than Sunday.   Visit our Lord in the tabernacle.  We attend an Eastern rite Catholic Church.  I love it there. The liturgy is so beautiful.  It turns my eyes toward heaven.  I leave Liturgy with a renewed sense of being a daughter of God.  Sadly, though, since I began to attend my little Eastern church I have abandon my fervor for the sacraments. I find myself giving into false humility prompted by Satan at how often I fall. Today during Liturgy I had a loud voice in my head telling me that in my current state I do not deserve to be there.  Then I hear the Lord counter, "My daughter you never deserve to be here, but I love you and you are mine and I want you here" I resolve to seek your grace Lord in the sacraments of your church more often this lent.  "O God come to my aid; O Lord make haste to help me" (Psalm 70:1)

He is risen

Oh my goodness! Easter was a celebration.  The songs from Divine Liturgy still echo in my head and make me smile.  We stayed with our Church family for the whole day, and it was so fitting to celebrate our risen savior with them.

Chris will be returning today from a trip to Washington DC. He was there to attend an orientation for Diocesan Family life ministers.  He stayed with the Franciscan friers and attended talks and discussions. With each call home he had something new to tell me.  I delight in being the person he thinks of when he hears something great and wants to share that feeling.  I imagine that is how our Lord sees us.  When we see a beautiful sunset or feel a nice breeze and we lift our thoughts to heaven and say Thank You.

This morning I spent my prayer time reflecting on how much has been forgiven of me.  It helps me to feel humbled to reflect back on my life and know that God not only forgives me for my failings and loves me anyway, he continually blesses me and protects me above and beyond. I think of my little Jake. Jacob is my 3 year old, he is often excitable and aggressive and tends toward the naughty.  (He is sweet and loving too) I have noticed when I punish him he doesn't turn away from me but instead throws himself in my arms.  It makes me feel good to know that even when I have to be harsh to teach him something important, that he knows he is safe and loved in my arms, that I am Mommy.  How beautiful, this is a reflection of Our Father God.  I often tell Jesus in my heart that I will not let go of Him, even when life sends me difficulties, or my own choices do not reflect the daughter of God that I am. I will still cling to him because there is no where better to be than in His arms. 

Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.   John 6:68

We have a big decision to make regarding our Children, please pray for God to show us his beautiful will for their lives.