Whataweek! A reflection

The Two "Non-schoolers"

I remember on the Monday of the first week of teaching the children last year.  Chris walked in the door, I was all dressed in workout clothes. I quickly greeted him and headed out the door for a walk.  I needed to get away from the echo's of "MOMMY I NEED HELP" and "CAN YOU WIPE MY BOTTOM?"  I felt frazzled and had to pray to bring my self down from the intense feeling that I was not cut out for this.  The year got better, mostly because I slacked off and drank more... but never the less I rarely felt like I needed to run away. 
What a difference a year makes.  Hang on!  This first week was a smooth flow of  Virtues and Saints, Handwriting and Reading, History and Math, Science and Hands on fun.  Even the 4 year old has been integrated into our day and isn't on the fringe playing Legos or begging for attention.  The 19 month old sits with us and eats cereal or plays with/eats play dough, but she seems happy too. I believe it is because I am happy.  I made my own curriculum.  I prepared extensively during the last weeks of summer.  Our work is based in great works of literature and not in dry textbooks.  We work as a family.  I Love It. A HUGE help has been Teaching Textbooks  for math.  It is all on the computer and I just have to check the grades.
Last year I thought my favorite thing about homeschooling would be sleeping in and staying in pajamas all day.  Well, when I wear the clothes I slept in, all day, I feel like a hobo.

  This year (so far...) I get up at 6 and go to the gym.  I have prayer time.   I come home ready for my J.O.B.  The kids get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, and make their beds.  All of this tells our sleepy brains "Hey! Its time to get serious."

  I love to stay up late.  I mean, I feel deeply rebellious against bed time.  The natural consequence of going to bed late because you were watching Duck Dynasty, is,  if you get up early, you feel like crap.  (Well, you do if you are old like me.) So, as much as I really hate it.  I have to go to bed, before 11. So far so good... well except for last night, I went out with my friends who also homeschool their children.  There is nothing like being with a bunch of Catholic ladies, who are "in the same boat" as I am, while being served tequila.  So. Much. Fun. We were loud and My friend and I got a chance to evangelize to our waiter.

 

 

So with all that said.  I pray, that I can be consistent.  Like most weaklings, I can start things with the best of them, what is the merit in that?? But sticking with it long term is H-A-R-D for me! They are worth it-  Those little sweet souls that God gave Chris and I to guide.  So if you read this.  Pray for me.  

 



 

Trim Healthy Mama

I am the queen of diet bandwagons.  I have done Atkins, South beach,  Cabbage soup, various cleanses,  juice fasts, raw foods, veganism, and many other diets.   My weight over the years has gone up and down. I just am one of those people who struggles!  Every joy filled birth of a baby is followed by a super motivated few weeks of eating ultra healthy and then a burn out and lots of self loathing.  I get motivated again and start that cycle over.  I feel most frustrated in the mornings standing in my closet before church trying to find something "cute", or when I am about to see an old friend that knew me when I had a metabolism.  I fret over profile pictures and wear lots of yoga pants in between my "good weight" phases because I WILL NOT buy clothes over a certain size. (I tell my self that I don't deserve them.)
So here is where I tell you about my new bandwagon, except it's not.  I believe I found a way of thinking about food and life that can be my nutritional transportation through this life as I journey toward heaven with my family. 
A book called Trim Healthy Mama has been such a blessing to me.  The long and short of the actual eating is not to mix (good) carbohydrates and (good) fats.  If you have a higher carb meal full of delicious (unprocessed) carbohydrates you keep your fat grams low. Still though, we are careful with carbohydrates!  If you have a fatty meal, full of scrumptious nuts and cheese, you keep your carbs very low.  You leave time between those meals so your body is only using one fuel at a time.  Guess what?  It helps you feel great and lose weight! 
The book is SO MUCH more than that.  I was convicted about how I often go on a diet and leave my family in the convenience food dirt! Mommy has a salad, kids have chicken nuggets... sad!  The authors talk about feeding their families well.  I have started making my husband's lunch, everyday- not just sometimes, it's a discipline for me, but I love him enough to do it. The book talks about our responsibility as Christian wives to keep in shape for our families!  We want to be full of energy, not irritable and grouchy.  It has empowered me to make sensible choices and not desperate "oh no I need to loose weight NOW" choices.  I also don't need to go to great lengths to buy special foods only found at high end grocery stores, if I don't want to.
I enjoy talking to women about Natural Family Planning because I find that this method of spacing  my children is most respectful of my natural fertility (yes I have 5 kids but we wanted them all and I've been married for 13 years, so lets do the math on how many I physically could have, It works is all I'm saying!) NFP contributes to my feeling valued and never used with in our sexual relationship.  As oppose to keeping myself from getting pregnant by ways that disrupt my natural state.  This way of eating is like that for weight loss and health.  It works with your body and helps get your head in the game too.  It took a good week after I finished the book too feel more confident in what to eat  and when.  I refer to the book constantly.  I have been making some new things that my family loves (some they hate) I don't feel obsessed with a way of eating. I feel like food fits into it's rightful place.  I enjoy it and I know the things I am putting in my mouth, and  those of my sweet family, are good and contributing to their long term health.
I also keep praying.  Praying for temperance, praying for humility, and patience.  I fell strongly that all the things we need to cure diseases were given to us by God in our foods and other things found in nature. (not that we don't go to the doctor when we need to)  I have confidence in Him to lead me to the right things in all the situations of our life.  I am grateful for this book.  I wanted to share.

After Lent is Easter :)

Well as usual I think we could have done better this lent.  I do think we succeeded in teaching our children that sacrifice should be a habit, in small ways everyday die to your self and tell your flesh "No thanks, God is in control here"
I have been sick for 2 weeks, I am now at the tale end of a horrible cold.  With just a tickle and cough left.  It's been a long time since the Momma of the house has been sick to the point I was in bed for 2 days.  I feel like it will be a month before I catch up with the house work and school missed.
Deep breath and, Ahhhh, Easter...Pascha... Christ is risen! Indeed he has risen!  We spent the day once again at St. Basil the Great eating and drinking with our church family.  I love it.  Truly my favorite day of the year.
I left Facebook behind for lent and I can't say I am all that ready to pick it back up.  It opened up more time for reading good books and prayer.  I am better with out Facebook in my life. 
I am watching a rousing game of  UNO among my children and a friend of theirs, super funny.

Yesterday we had a guy come to install cable Internet in our house.  He was here for 6 hours, told me his life story, used my husband's tools, complained about his job, ate dinner with us, in the end decided he may want to come back to the Catholic church.  Ha, well I feel like it was such a weird experience.  I am praying for him today.  When sweet hubby saw the terrible job the guy did and heard my stories of our day he is calling the company to complain... I am hopeful that God will still work for the Good of that strange man. That's all I have to say about that.

This is how is should be.

Last night a priest friend of ours came over and had dinner.  It was a lovely evening. I made a yummy gumbo and we got to do a lot of chatting and enjoying of the children's antics.  The purpose of his visit was for our 7yr old Noah.  In the Eastern Church a person receives all the sacraments of illumination at once (Baptism, Chrismation or Confirmation, and Holy Eucharist) This leaves the sacrament of reconciliation to be determined by the parents.  Some children are ready early for this sacrament, as they seem to know right and wrong. Some little ones are ready later, just as we learn to walk differently our age of "reason" is not exactly the same. Noah is an old soul, I mean he is all little boy in his silliness, but he seems to be more aware of holiness, and concerned about the things of heaven, than my other kids.
So after dinner, Father and Noah went into a room and Noah got to go to confession for the first time.  After he was done saying a solemn and fervent  "Our Father"  for penance (I peeked into his room he was so sweet kneeling there), we gave him presents and the other children were jumping up and down (Jacob and Lily with out knowing why!) and it was s celebration.  And I just couldn't help think of the "rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents" (Luke 11) I just knew this is how it should be!  I am grateful for last night and the memory it made for our family.

Just need to say

Today is a beautiful day. It's going to be in the 70s and the children are playing outside. Lily and I are enjoying the breeze blowing through the house. This morning we talked about St Bernadette and blessed ourselves with Lourdes water that I got long ago from the spring in Lourdes France. We have a friend from church who spent the night with the boys. It keeps them busy and happy when we have a friend over to play.
Last night Grace and I traveled to a town near by to a consignment sale and got some great deals on clothes and she got a bike (in-spite of leaving hers out and getting it stolen) she's been bike-less for a few months and has been hoping for one. She loves to be outside.
We are visiting the nursing home today. I hope we spread some love!

Joy down in my heart.

My start this time is a question.  What does God want me to do?  He has clearly given me charge of 5 souls.  I know mostly my parenting consists in giving them back to Him.  But the part that I have in my hands, how do I fashion it into what he wants?  I resoundingly hear Him asking of me JOY, be a joyful Christian, a joyful woman, wife and mother. Just as soon as I say Yes Lord, I find my self frustrated and grouching at my children and being critical of my husband. 
I have denied it and tried to do with out it, but I know that the answer is the sacraments.  Confession, go more than you think you should. Eucharist, receive more than Sunday.   Visit our Lord in the tabernacle.  We attend an Eastern rite Catholic Church.  I love it there. The liturgy is so beautiful.  It turns my eyes toward heaven.  I leave Liturgy with a renewed sense of being a daughter of God.  Sadly, though, since I began to attend my little Eastern church I have abandon my fervor for the sacraments. I find myself giving into false humility prompted by Satan at how often I fall. Today during Liturgy I had a loud voice in my head telling me that in my current state I do not deserve to be there.  Then I hear the Lord counter, "My daughter you never deserve to be here, but I love you and you are mine and I want you here" I resolve to seek your grace Lord in the sacraments of your church more often this lent.  "O God come to my aid; O Lord make haste to help me" (Psalm 70:1)

Mondays and other light burdens

   It's that breathing time of day for me.  All the older children have finished their assignments and baby is sleeping and the little messes have been righted.  The kids are now outside "building a robot" which sprung from my attempt at getting Ike to enjoy writing.  We brainstormed a topic, he picked robots.  We researched.  We organized thoughts and ended on that note.  My boy though, of course,  would rather go build the robot so as soon as school ended.   Out he went equipped with the tools he got for Christmas and some scrap wood from a household project.  I am excited to see what he will build.  It also helped me to reflect on how no matter how i try to make the perfect situation for him to be a good writer, he is who he is.  It is a blessing that I can embrace that.   I'm just not sure how to sneak essentials in like, writing, spelling, and reading among the very important boy stuff that naturally goes on around here. I want to teach him the value of glorifying God though his weekends.  *sigh*
   So blah, it is January, it's gray outside, and the next big thing to look forward to is the sacrifices of lent.  (I mean that is good, but ya know...sacrifice is hard!)  I need a shower, I've already had plenty of coffee... so I just need to stick the smile on and find joy in the moment.  I can do that.  So can you.

  They made an airplane on which they drew each member of our family looking out the windows and an airport too :)

Me Time!

I have always prided myself on being the type of mom who wants to be with my kids.  I mean all the time.  That is still true!  I love 'em.  I love home-schooling because they are with me all day.  I love to take them with me when I go places.  I love to hear what they have to say and I enjoy watching them grow, careful not to miss a step.
I was raised though, with an impression that left me thinking: "In order to be a good mother you must be a victim, you must pour out your life and keep nothing for yourself.  You must dress shabby so they can look good, you must look tired so they can sleep, you must remind them often of how much you sacrifice for them"  This sounds so noble doesn't it?  Oh so loving.    I see now... now that I am a mother, a wife, a woman, that this is a lie. 
Giving your children the example of a mother who takes care of herself is valuable.  Showing them that I am (and they see by example that they are) worth taking care of.  Even Jesus retreated from the crowds. I want them to know that in order to give like they should, they must be whole.  They need to take time to pray.  Take time to "re-create" them selves through recreation (Like that little play on words? =-P )  It's okay to know your boundaries by asking for help and to saying NO when it is due.  I don't need to fall apart in front of my family when I am at my wits end so they will pity me and let me get away for a bit.  I need to be the woman who plans time with my Lord everyday.  Who plans time here and there to get away for a bit  and take care of the daughter of God that I am. Then my hands are full to give to them.  We need to water our roots.  I wish I would have known this a long time ago.  I want to be an example of someone who knows how to give, and give generously, but I want them to know that it is good to love yourself (not to be confused with self absorbtion!) When I do these things I am a better wife.  I have love to lavish on my husband, and time and attention for my sweet little children.  I have peace.

The visitation

My Mom is visiting in a couple of days.  It has been a while since we have seen her!  Little L will seem like she has grown a bunch to Nana I'm sure.
I am hoping that the changes in me will be just as obvious.  I have been working in prayer to allow Jesus to help me be the type of woman who anticipates others needs, who can, in humility, allow unsolicited advice and even snide or annoying comments fade away and respond in charity.  It is often hard to deal with people in the present moment as we keep past hurts and memories that shape our responses to people.  I desire very much to be the woman that my daughters (and sons of course) can look at and know that I am doing my darnedest to have a heart like Mother Mary's heart.
 I am reading a book called Boundaries and it has helped me so much to to know  the fact that I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW AN ADULT CONDUCTS THEMSELVES.  I can only control how I react and I choose to react with peace.   It is okay to pause and tell someone that you need just a minute to process what they are saying before you respond.   I will continue to pray and read.... I also want to remind my self that listening to someone without inserting yourself into what they are saying, and then responding in charity, will bring peace.

We have a tummy bug going through the family.  Hubby came home early today and I feel such warmth when I get to serve him when he is sick.  (Not that I want him to be sick!:) We have been so blessed as of late, even when there is sickness in our house we seem to still get plenty of sleep.
Ike is a basketball and L is sleeping and the older ones are watching a movie.  I enjoy so much to come here and record my thoughts.  (If I had a glass of wine it may be even better, darn south beach diet) 
L turned one a few days ago.  I love that little bright light. She walks and climbs and says not a word unless I yell out one of the other kids names and she will mimic me.  N turns 7, I cant believe it...  7! in a few days and I love him too ahhhhhh where does time go?   "Don't cry that it is over, smile because it happened."  ~Dr Seuss
 Look back and smile... then move on in joy.  Deep breath... Life is so good.  Thank you my dear Lord.

Burf day

Tomorrow I turn 34.  I have 5 children a husband who loves me and who takes care of and treasures our family. I sit here watching Texas football and nursing a sweet little Lily.  I am who I want to be.  A daughter of God, Chris' wife, my children's mother.  There is someone close to me, who finds every reason not to own who they are, not to look at their life and say this is who I am and I am going to dive in and be the best at it.  I don't want miss any of this  beautiful life because I am looking around, or down, or back.   I am seeking God's will, and I trust that he made me because he wanted to, because I am good and I know looks at me with mercy so I don't have to go around worrying about how much He loves me, I see it all over.  I hope with joy that I grow in holiness and that I please Him.  I'm so blessed to know how to do that.  I need to love, love lots and deeply.  Love my family, love my neighbor, and love my self, yup love me enough to take care of my soul and my body (I love my family by doing this too)
I have a burden though, for my country.  I want to renew my desire to pray for it.   I know God wants good for the USA.

fluttering close to the ground

This morning, I can barely wrap my mind around the words of St. JoseMaria Escriva.  He pictures himself as a little bird fluttering, short little distances, and slowly making it to a tree, then a house, until one day an Eagle mistakes him for one of his own and scoops him up and he soars higher and higher, then the Eagle lets him go and says FLY!!  St JoseMaria asks our Lord that He never allow him to be okay with fluttering close to the ground again.

It is so easy to keep your mind busy with the things on the ground, allowing what appears in front of our eyes to disguise what all things in life are...  An opportunity,  every diaper, meal prepared, and mess made to be cleaned, is a chance to soar with the eagles, to sanctify our lives!  If we roll our eyes at the cereal on the floor and in frustration clean it AGAIN, or grit our teeth at our husband when he isn't a prince charming here and there, we miss out on a beautiful moment to SOAR, to put a smile on our face and Tell our Lord thank you! We get a chance to serve Him, in his creations, who have been given to us- to love.  May I never forget that I live in the presence of God in a real way, All Day Long.  Right now!  "what peace is ours once we have embarked upon ‘the narrow road that leads on to life’!"

He is risen

Oh my goodness! Easter was a celebration.  The songs from Divine Liturgy still echo in my head and make me smile.  We stayed with our Church family for the whole day, and it was so fitting to celebrate our risen savior with them.

Chris will be returning today from a trip to Washington DC. He was there to attend an orientation for Diocesan Family life ministers.  He stayed with the Franciscan friers and attended talks and discussions. With each call home he had something new to tell me.  I delight in being the person he thinks of when he hears something great and wants to share that feeling.  I imagine that is how our Lord sees us.  When we see a beautiful sunset or feel a nice breeze and we lift our thoughts to heaven and say Thank You.

This morning I spent my prayer time reflecting on how much has been forgiven of me.  It helps me to feel humbled to reflect back on my life and know that God not only forgives me for my failings and loves me anyway, he continually blesses me and protects me above and beyond. I think of my little Jake. Jacob is my 3 year old, he is often excitable and aggressive and tends toward the naughty.  (He is sweet and loving too) I have noticed when I punish him he doesn't turn away from me but instead throws himself in my arms.  It makes me feel good to know that even when I have to be harsh to teach him something important, that he knows he is safe and loved in my arms, that I am Mommy.  How beautiful, this is a reflection of Our Father God.  I often tell Jesus in my heart that I will not let go of Him, even when life sends me difficulties, or my own choices do not reflect the daughter of God that I am. I will still cling to him because there is no where better to be than in His arms. 

Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.   John 6:68

We have a big decision to make regarding our Children, please pray for God to show us his beautiful will for their lives.

Out pouring

Well this busy life has kept me from writing about last weekend!
 On Sunday Lily was baptized, chrismated (Confirmation),  and received first holy communion.  Isaac, Noah, and Jacob received chrismation and first holy communion, and Grace only lacked chrismation. My children have been illluminated!  (if this troubles you or makes no sense click here) 
I am so excited that the graces of all the early sacraments have been poured out on them.  During chrismation Father Danny annointed all of their senses and even their feet, singing "be sealed with the gift of the holy spirit" (i think I have the words right) over and over. In those moments I was washed over with all the wonderful things my children will do in this world. 
Following Liturgy our dear friends had a party for us and it was perfect.  Lots of people came and I just couldn't stop smiling the whole day.  The children still don't quite comprehend all of it, but that is the beauty of the sacraments, you don't have to comprehend them for them to change your soul.  Thank you Jesus.
Last night was Academic museum at the kids school.  The children displayed projects and dressed according to the subject matter.  Parents are allowed to walk the halls and sort of "quiz" the kids.  The children always do such a good job and are so poised in their speaking. 
Ok. well, for love of my family I need to create some order in my home today.   Hubby is doing a retreat this weekend and I will have the monkeys alone.  I plan frozen pizzas, movies, and lots of cuddles.  I am hoping that on Saturday I can get a picture of the kids in the Texas Bluebonnets before they are gone agian.
 

After a Visit

My Mom just left.  It's always sad, a let down of sorts,  when you have a visitor and then they leave. Life is back to normal, which is beautiful, but it is nice to have an adult around all day to bounce things off of, or to pick up the slack.  My mom and I  differ some in our views of how children are to be raised, or homes are to be cleaned, and frankly my poor mother gets a bit overwhelmed by the business of our home.  When you add an extra element, even when they are helpful, it can bring on more stress than usual. We abandoned some of our lenten traditions and sacrifices while she was here, I am glad to get back on track!  I do miss her though. Hopefully she will be back soon.
Jacob and Isaac had birthdays on the 4th and 5th respectively. We had, at the last minute, friends over.  We had a fire in the back and roasted marshmallows.  I feel so blessed that I could call them a few hours before and they showed up ready to celebrate! 
I worked out this morning and when I returned (after hubby left for work) the boys were busy in a blanket fort and Lily was sleeping so I took some time to pray. I was reminded about a few things I have been neglecting in my life along with the fact that my time on earth isn't getting any longer.  Some tasks I should be more attentive to, and some human weaknesses that I don't keep in check like I should.   So I made a simple plan to pay more attention to these things.  I am going to commit it to paper, it helps me to remember.  Oh the spirit of Lent.  It is reflective and repentant.  I'm grateful for the grace to stop here in the middle and recommit.  I am off to have the first cup of coffee, of the rest of my life.

Wear the baby.

I own 5 baby carriers.  A Maya Wrap, a Hot sling, a baby Bjorn, and an Ergo baby...and drum roll, my newest, a Mei Tai style carrier, and this one is by far my favorite. 
There is something so natural about tying my little Lily on.  No big hard buckles.  The crisscross back is so nice on my muscles.  It feels very "native"  and lovely to have my little papoose. 
I went to the grocery store yesterday with the 2 younger boys and baby girl in my carrier.  It was lovely.  I got lots of comments ranging from "Is that a baby in there??" to "I wish they had those types of things when my children were little"    The little Grocery store near my house is a Kroger, it has an Okay selection and pretty good prices.  One thing it has, that I can't find anywhere else, are the sweet ladies who work there.  I know 4 of them, just from coming in.  They've seen me with lots of kids and offered to help, they saw me pregnant and lifted things for me, and when I came in yesterday, they were giddy with excitement "YOU HAD THE BABY!"  They also employ many disabled individuals and they are a delight.
Also yesterday I brought a very simple meal to a young couple who just had a baby.  I am so so grateful that God gave me the grace to say yes to this little ministry of love.  (And thank you to my friend Milissa for setting up the meal schedule for them)  They have  just moved and boxes were around and this is their first baby and they were so grateful for the Chicken pot pie that was a little browner than it should be.  It reminded me of simpler times when Chris and I were younger with baby Grace, our first born.  It has been such a crazy ride since then.  Just thinking of this makes me want to call my sweet husband and tell him thank you for loving me through the years that have passed.  He is the best person I know.  Truly.