A lot of "unrest" in my home comes from me. My life is so beautifully set up as God wants. I am in love with my vocation and I get to share that with a supportive husband and sweet good hearted children. I am noticing still, as life goes on, that I have yet to completely settle in as wife and mother. (I am very happy and am very "settled" to a degree) This statement may seem absurd, I mean from the outside this may seem silly, because wife and mother, well... it's all I do. Yet, I really do keep this state of unrest in my heart that pops up from time to time and makes me a real grouch. Where does it come from, who knows. Parents who wanted me to be successful in the world in a different way, my mother used to sing me to sleep with I am woman hear me roar... (although I am quite sure they love who I am now) or an outside world so contrary to what I live, or simplely stupid vanity and laziness. I think the latter.
I would like to know how to correct this. Root it out and make it not. We are looking into a smaller Church, a Byzantine church, where the Priest knows your name. I don't know why, but there is a huge feeling in my heart that this move is crucial to the holiness of my family. Still I hesitate. I have been "Roman" Catholic all my life, and a change in worship is nuts for me. I am hoping to go to confession this Saturday, it has been over a month and I want to clean my slate, I am excited to then try...try this new experience that I (for the first time in a long time) feel actually called to. I am glad that my Lord is still patient enough to call me to anything, I am pretty stubborn and lazy sometimes.
So there it is. My thoughts today.
N is very sick and his EXTREME wining and neediness is making me a bit crazy, but praise God for a little bit of trial so I can smooth those rough edges that I have so many of. Our Lady of the Rosary pray for my sweet N to get better.
