A little Look.

 I used to keep up a blog when the big kids of this house were small and I remembering having such joy just sharing our little everyday things. I wrote it because I wanted to keep a record of life and thoughts, I lost the joy in blogging so I seek to regain it.  I know bearing your soul on the net is not for everyone but I like it :) So here I go trying to recall the events of the last month

 A few weeks ago we went to some events in the Arts district that occur only once a month.  It was loads of fun.  We were with some of our favorite friends and we did crafts, had a beer tasting, viewed works of art, ate at the base of the skyscrapers in downtown, and attended a concert- all for free.

We bought a membership to the D-town zoo.  We have gone twice in the last few weeks. One day we spent from 10am to 5pm there. We brought a lunch and played in the water they have in the children's area.

We rode the monorail and saw so many things that our heads were spinning and all the tired little ones on the way home couldn't stop talking about the rhino who rolled in the mud and the bird who was eating another bird! They got to pet an opossum (which is vastly different from a possum) and feed a giraffe and have birds land all over them.  We can't wait to go back!

This week has been a bust as far a home-school goes... Monday we were suppose to go to an apple orchard with a group of friends but Noah woke in the night with a fever and I woke the next day with a terrible tooth ache.  This tooth has been a thorn for me for over a year.... It's a long story but I am waiting again for a root canal because of complications.  Tuesday I went to the dentist in the morning and was in excruciating pain for the remainder of the day. I laid down while my poor little ones kept them selves busy and eventually I put on a movie. Wednesday the morning was spent again at the dentist, this time for the children, then the afternoon spent driving way out to piano lessons then baseball practice.  So, today I set myself up to fail, I was in 'crazy catch up mode' and I have been a grouch.  I finally decided after tears on my part... that we would start this week's work next week.

Tomorrow we head out to Grand-dad and Grandma Vaughan's farm.  It has been in the family for 100 years and we are going to have a celebration.  We are packing our sleeping bags and some guns that need to be shot :) and driving out to nowhere Texas to sleep on a screened in porch and eat home cookin' with lots of fine folks.  I am delighted to have my husband all to my self in the car while the children watch a little movie and I can just listen to what ever he has to say.  I look so forward to getting out there a little early and having my sweet family all to myself with no pressure to 'do school' or find somewhere fun to go or to entertain a visitor. I hope very much that it works out like I hope.  But I will take what I get and have joy about God's will.

These are special days... all of the children are small enough to enjoy the same show on TV or same board game.  They all like to sing in the car and take walks as a family.  They all run to the door cheering when Daddy gets home.  I hope it stays this way for a while.

This weather has been nice, it gives way to reflection when there is such a mild evening and I am grateful. So...Another Thursday come and now dwindling away, I hope I spent it well. Life is so short.

The Grace is there.

What a week.  I never knew I could be spread so thin yet never leave the walls of this house.  I want to be clear though, I am not complaining.  This first week of homeschooling was a lovely learning experience.  I learned about my children and tons about myself.  And hey, guess what-  I Can Do It!  The weekend has never been so sweet though :)  I also have been wanting to go to bed with the children around 8pm for the first time ever... but that time alone with my sweet husband, after they are tucked in, is to valuable to miss.
  I am grateful to my little ones for being so patient with me.  I am a sinner, imperfect and selfish.  My family loves me in the way My Lord does, past my faults, even embracing the darn things. I am in love with this new life.  It has only begun and I suspect in a few months (or possibly days.) I will be more than ready for a vacation, but I felt like that when they were leaving everyday to be educated by others.   

 I go to a women's group once a month (well most of the time) it is associated with Opus Dei.  At the most recent one, my circle leader talked about "asking for the moon" when it comes to the saint's intersession.  Through God all things are possible.  So I have asked for the intersession of St Margret of Scotland, I want her to fly to the throne of God and tell him that I don't want to yell in my home anymore.  I don't want to be the big mouth scary lady that I can often be when my children  are disobedient.  I am laying it at the feet of Jesus and I know that his plans for me are for a hope and a future, and not for evil or woe (Jeremiah 29:11, our memory verse this week)
She also shared with us a little booklet called "Bright and Cheerful homes" which you can download for free.  I have only read a little, but the conviction of it all...the weight of what we as parents...as mothers are intrusted with is big...the most important.  Forming little people to be other Christs in this world, nothing more, nothing less.  Set aside your emotion and do it.  I set the tone during the day in these walls, it will be a place of peace, a soft place to land, a place where the boundaries are clearly set and are enforced with a smile and a strong sense of obligation on my part.  Short is my time with them... I am grateful for this tug from the Holy Spirit. (I am thankful for my husband and partner in this endeavor)

Dancing with Baby... I love what happens in this house when music is on :) <3

John 15:5

We start schooling Monday. 
I have been spending more time reading about and pondering all that this year may bring.  It is becoming clear that simplicity is the way that will best ease our family into this school year. I have meditated upon the Holy family and how simple and real their life was. I have asked our sweet Lord to pour that simplicity out onto my family.  This has helped me to be less complex in my thoughts, let go of reading into things people may do or say, to stop inserting myself into what others are saying.  I pray I can listen simply and respond plainly even with regards to interacting with my children while working on school work or correcting faults in them.  Watch and listen with plain eyes simply observing, then in a non-complex (with out over analyzing emotions) respond clearly.  (I apply this to my sweet husband too)

Baby Lily recently stopped napping well.  This sent me into a bit of a worry because I need that time with out my clingy little monkey to spend time, single minded,  on a child who may need some extra help with a lesson.  I downloaded The Baby Whisperer onto the Kindle.  I dove into all she had to say. Much of which centers around respect of your baby and their cues.  Paying attention to her so you can know how to direct their actions, sleepy cues lead to napping...  I have also learned, over these years now that I have 5 souls under my care, that not every word in any book will help you.  Just, (as my mom says) "glean from it what you can use and throw out the rest" :)  This book opened my eyes to the fact that I don't expect much of a schedule from myself so therefor I am not creating an environment where Lily knows what to expect next.  A baby needs a routine, and I know that this was just the good Lord saying once again "See, it all fits together"  homeschooling will put us all on a routine and baby Lily will thrive.

Catholic Heritage Curricula is what we have chosen to educate our littles with.  Oh how I love it.  All the stories and even the spelling and history are authenticity Catholic.  The lesson plans are direct and I know we will have success in this year.  I did observe that the 3rd grade reading is a bit advanced for Isaac so I chatted via email with their Mom's support and they helped me to adapt and get some supplemental stuff for him.  I love that there is not pressure to make him conform to the level 3. I can work with him where he is until he masters reading and then move on at his pace.  It really fills my heart with joy to attend to their needs in this way.

So starting Monday I am going to fight the good fight to wake up before the children and shower and pray and be ready for the day "Wake up before the chaos starts, so it won't"   St. Josemaria described the moment of waking as being a heroic moment, don't snooze,  get up- be strong...start your day with Jesus by your side. 
One of my confessors told me to talk to Mary during the day and ask her "Please keep my little boat from tipping over"  I have said this many times since. <3

Letter to a friend

The dicipline of keeping up my blog is a bit of a challenge here lately. 
I am excited to report that our school books come today and I can't wait!  I wrote a letter to a long lost friend from College this morning and I wanted to record it here so I could have it. It is a lovely account of my children's personalities through my eyes. :)

Hey Robin,
I was excited to get your reply, but alas this crazy life took over and I am just now getting time to properly reply. So to answer your questions...

I have 5 little ones the oldest is Grace, she is 10years old, she is the mother hen of the house.  She is sensitive and kind. She loves to help out  and is enamored with our youngest who is 7 months old. She has a strong sense of Modesty even beyond my own, honestly.  Grace has such a love for her daddy, some might say she is a Daddy's girl but her and I have such a special relationship I would be hard pressed to describe her that way :) She has a natural tendency toward the good.
Isaac is 7, He is a man of resources.  He collects items (usually hiding them in his bed because this is his only space that is truly his own) he is keenly aware of how much change is in his piggy bank and what could be purchased with it.  He is growing in responsibility and has such a place in his heart for me and my feelings.  Often asking if I am Ok through out the day or offering to lighten my load. His tendency toward good, though, is more of a struggle ;)
Noah is 6, oh my...Noah...where do I start. He is so sweet, such a heart for the concerns of others and so quick to accept correction and make amends.    He is very funny and quirky.  His obliviousness to what is going on around him, proves often times, to be a source of humor for our family.  He feels deeply. He Loves Everyone and talks to everyone.  He has a special innocent affinity for pretty teenage girls, which we think comes from our years of doing youth ministry..hehe
Jacob is 3.  He is my little rigid guy.  He has the way he likes things done and he gets quite agitated if things don't work out like he sees fit.  He is just at an age where he needs lots of extra attention and kind words for his world to stay on it's proper tilt.  He is my sweet teddy bear of a boy. He wears his heart on his sleeve.
Lily is 7 months and is the light of our home. What a happy smiley little girl! The children love her and she is my constant accessory :) always in my arms or I am wearing her in the baby carrier.  Grace is happy to have a sister.  I wish I could have recorded the moment Grace met Lily at the hospital.  Her reaction was priceless, I believe it was a squeal of sheer happiness that I heard.  
 My life is spent mostly in my home, it's hard to get out these days.  I have lots of supportive friends who have large families.  We are starting home schooling this year.  Catholic school, although wonderful, became too expensive with all these little people to educate.  I feel confident that we will have a wonderful year and leave all the details in God's hands.  Prayers on this subject are welcomed!!
My husband Chris Loves his job.  We have had such a journey through ministry to get to this place for him.  Life is good and our Marriage is my favorite thing about this life!
I enjoyed writing this very much.  I hope you enjoy reading all these details and they aren't too cumbersome.  I will love to hear more about you too!

Christ's peace,
Angie

From my heart

Spending time with Grandparents and Great-grand parents helps set your mind back on what is important for your family.  I am reminded of particular things that  are important in these present moments: Keeping up the struggle toward becoming more Christ-like in all situations... especially with little ears and little eyes close by paying attention to how I handle hard moments and disagreeable people, Working at a family prayer life, Setting good habits in my children by example and loving discipline, these things may seem hard now,  but it is how my husband and I set up a strong foundation for our children to build upon.
 I listened to my Grandfather's stories about marriage and all the hard work he had to do to support a family of 10 kids.  I wish I could have known my Grandma to ask her how she did it with all those children.  I ask her to pray for me up in heaven.   
Last night, I was up with the baby and my two oldest children.  My husband is sick and gone to bed and all our guests were gone to bed too.  I sat with them laying their heads on my lap. I read out loud from a book about motherhood that I would have been reading anyway.  I thought it would make them sleepy.  They listened and asked lots of questions about love and the sacrifices we make in little ways (and sometimes big) to grow and sustain that love. A bible verse came up, one they have heard before, but in those precious quiet moments last night they heard it with new ears.  (I love when that happens)  "A new commandment I give to you,  that you love one another; even as I have loved you" John 13:34   Wow! They got it- Jesus, who gave his life for us, is asking us to love each other this same way.  A tall order!   Blessed Teresa of Calcutta says of this verse: "These words should not only be a light to us, but also a flame consuming the selfishness which prevents the growth of holiness. Jesus loved us to the end, to the very limit of love, the Cross.  Love must come from within- from our union with Christ- an outpouring of our love for God.  Loving should be as normal to us a living and breathing, day after day until our deaths."
Going to bed at a decent hour and getting up before my family are sacrifices.  Honestly, I really have a hard time with those things (on normal day, minus sick kids) I know that when I do those things they help me be a better mother with more patience.  A small loving act that drives me toward "consuming the selfishness which prevents the growth of holiness"  Driving my car in a lawful respectful manner  and keeping myself from making negative comments about other drivers is a small loving act I can do to teach my children peace of mind in all situations. Holding my tongue when I disagree with other parents and their parenting styles, is a great way to teach my children charity in dealing with those that my not be like us, but instead to bring our loving family environment, with us, from our home, as a  peaceful example that need not be arrogant or judgmental.  So I throw these things out there-  and I step forward drawing on the grace God gives me in my vocation as mother, starting new, with new eyes and a smile. 

The Naysayers

SUMMER!  I love it- all my littles here all day.  We got a super fun pool.  It is the biggest one we have had, the kids bought it with the money form their piggy banks and I think that makes playing in it that much sweeter.  My favorite thing is that they stay outside for hours. I love when they are in the fresh air, learning problem solving and relationship skills as they play and fight too.

Our family recently made a HUGE decision about what sort of "school" the children will be in.  Up until now there was never any question.  My children went to a wonderful Catholic school, attended daily mass, and were educated with a changeling curriculum. My husband went to that same school and that was that- and we loved it!  Well, the good Lord has other plans for the little souls he is allowing me to raise.  Next year, we will be doing school in our home.  This will shock some of my friends from years past. It used to be, that when the subject of "homeschooling" would come up, I would cringe and say "I am NOT called to that"  well I wasn't- but now I am!

I have so many supportive friends and family members,  I was nervous to tell my Dad about our decision, but he was so great about it.  That was important to me!  but... Oddly, there are few  people who don't have confidence in me to educate my own children.  They have been convinced, as many people are, that at the age of 6 we must hand our children over to an institution to educate them. Does it occur to them that I already teach them constantly?  My life is dedicated to making sure that no moment is wasted, and no teaching opportunity is overlooked, so that my children are formed in their faith and become confident and healthy and peaceful!  How sad that when a mother decides to take on, in a more complete way, the education of the children God gave her, that she is bombarded with head shaking, thoughtless quips about organization, and ridiculous questions about socialization...(because we all know the public school system is doing a stellar job of socializing our kids, ha!) I don't think it is going to be easy, but I am so excited to incorporate "school" into the rhythm of our home. I will now get to watch my children have Ah-hah moments that I would have missed otherwise.  I will have the opportunity to grow in patience and charity as I help them in their struggles of reading, writing, and arithmetic. All of this while helping them become the people God intends for them to be! I feel blessed, and the naysayers can continue to nay and I will let them because "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

What is required?

I am writing more to elaborate a question than to answer one.
Is example enough when dealing with the people in your life?  When do we speak up? Can I continue peaceful day to day relationships with someone I disagree with on a basic moral level?  Can I love someone and not try to change them, even if my beliefs tell me they may suffer in hell?

I am still looking for the answers, but I don't think we can live in this world without our fellow humans.  And humans are flawed.  I am. Very.

My Neighbors are Gay.  Right next door, live two wonderful men who have been kind to our family.  If I had to pick a bunch of people to be on a deserted Island with I would bring them. (beside the point) Political issues aside...how do I love them? Leave them be? Do I just say hi and what nice weather, and can you believe those school kids cutting through our yard, as we laugh?  I think yes.
I think Jesus made it clear my job as a Catholic Christian is to love them.  Can I love them if they never change, yes. I know love is sometimes doing the hard uncomfortable thing, but we must be prudent in our decisions.  Do I believe that homosexuality is ok?  I don't, still,  I have no stones to throw.

At the top of this page is the verse "Love covers a multitude of sin" what is sin? I know there are some big theological answers to this, but at it's core, sin comes from a wound. Love heals those wounds, and allows us to become the people we were meant to be.   I know that I may enrage people eluding to the fact that homosexuality is disordered, but, apart from religion,  if you look at the simple anatomical nature of our bodies you can't disagree that it wasn't intended to be that way...

So I pray, and be joyful.  And I hope someday my kind friends next door will wonder, what makes that big crazy catholic family they way they are, why are they different from the angry world around us that is interested in Using and not loving.  Maybe they will ask and I can with sweetness explain.  I also know that if i march over there shakin' my finger at them, I will from that moment on, miss out on their lovely friendship and I will ruin any chances of showing them the love of Christ. 

On Going Home and the blessing of people!

     What a busy weekend.  Sunday alone was bursting with friends and fun!  I take such pleasure in watching my older 3 children mature in their friendships with kids from families that I love.   (I also enjoy watching the little ones and their sweet friendships of course!) It is fun to chat with a Catholic Mommy friend about the possibility of a someday wedding between our kids. :)

     My family moved a few times in my youth an although each move proved to be a big part of God's will for my life, I have not had that privilege of "going home" to see those I was once young with.  Our plan is to stay in the Dallas area and I hope our children will too, and that no matter what, they will always be able to come home, not only to us but to their roots and memories! 
I would not trade the years that I did spend with just hubby and I starting our little family in places where no one knew us previously. We were able to forage traditions and enjoy activities that were ours alone. We came to see how valuable friends can be as the family God gives you.
      I am so happy to say that things are coming full circle, we are now near Chris' family and get to see them often and his mother is in our life  helping us love our kids.  My parents are getting close to retirement and will be moving near by in the next year or so and this warms my heart!!  I welcome their help in forming these beautiful souls that God has given me!
      I can not leave out our church family-  St Basil's! Just yesterday a few little ones had formed a cluster during liturgy and were chatting, my hands were full and so were Chris' and a friend of mine got out of the communion line to tell the kids "this is not social hour"  I couldn't have been more grateful. I always feel like there are eyes and ears helping me and loving my kids when I am there. The sort of People who notice little things like new dresses and comment on a droopy eyed child "how is she feeling?".  Our Children's school is unlike any other that I have seen, a family environment is fostered there, when I get to visit, and I  walk down the halls everyone has a smile, everywhere you look there are visual reminders of God's love, even a Eucharistic Chapel where you can stop and pray!  Even our Neighbor hood is a special place, with people close by who we care about and look forward to seeing every time they drop by! The blessing of Good people in my life out weighs and out shines any material thing.  I wouldn't trade all this love for a bigger home or condo on the beach ever. 
We are looking forward to our family vacation this year,  we go to a river with lots of big catholic families and friends.  It is not fancy, and it is more about fellowship and genuine interactions than it is about relaxing.  So as I prepare to mop my floor for love of my little family, I will dream of Vodka lemonades and river sittin' - kids laughing and swimming- Mass and praise with friends- and late night girlie talks.
 I love the people in my life.  I am so grateful for them.  This family, in all it's many forms.  All of them.

fluttering close to the ground

This morning, I can barely wrap my mind around the words of St. JoseMaria Escriva.  He pictures himself as a little bird fluttering, short little distances, and slowly making it to a tree, then a house, until one day an Eagle mistakes him for one of his own and scoops him up and he soars higher and higher, then the Eagle lets him go and says FLY!!  St JoseMaria asks our Lord that He never allow him to be okay with fluttering close to the ground again.

It is so easy to keep your mind busy with the things on the ground, allowing what appears in front of our eyes to disguise what all things in life are...  An opportunity,  every diaper, meal prepared, and mess made to be cleaned, is a chance to soar with the eagles, to sanctify our lives!  If we roll our eyes at the cereal on the floor and in frustration clean it AGAIN, or grit our teeth at our husband when he isn't a prince charming here and there, we miss out on a beautiful moment to SOAR, to put a smile on our face and Tell our Lord thank you! We get a chance to serve Him, in his creations, who have been given to us- to love.  May I never forget that I live in the presence of God in a real way, All Day Long.  Right now!  "what peace is ours once we have embarked upon ‘the narrow road that leads on to life’!"

He is risen

Oh my goodness! Easter was a celebration.  The songs from Divine Liturgy still echo in my head and make me smile.  We stayed with our Church family for the whole day, and it was so fitting to celebrate our risen savior with them.

Chris will be returning today from a trip to Washington DC. He was there to attend an orientation for Diocesan Family life ministers.  He stayed with the Franciscan friers and attended talks and discussions. With each call home he had something new to tell me.  I delight in being the person he thinks of when he hears something great and wants to share that feeling.  I imagine that is how our Lord sees us.  When we see a beautiful sunset or feel a nice breeze and we lift our thoughts to heaven and say Thank You.

This morning I spent my prayer time reflecting on how much has been forgiven of me.  It helps me to feel humbled to reflect back on my life and know that God not only forgives me for my failings and loves me anyway, he continually blesses me and protects me above and beyond. I think of my little Jake. Jacob is my 3 year old, he is often excitable and aggressive and tends toward the naughty.  (He is sweet and loving too) I have noticed when I punish him he doesn't turn away from me but instead throws himself in my arms.  It makes me feel good to know that even when I have to be harsh to teach him something important, that he knows he is safe and loved in my arms, that I am Mommy.  How beautiful, this is a reflection of Our Father God.  I often tell Jesus in my heart that I will not let go of Him, even when life sends me difficulties, or my own choices do not reflect the daughter of God that I am. I will still cling to him because there is no where better to be than in His arms. 

Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.   John 6:68

We have a big decision to make regarding our Children, please pray for God to show us his beautiful will for their lives.

Out pouring

Well this busy life has kept me from writing about last weekend!
 On Sunday Lily was baptized, chrismated (Confirmation),  and received first holy communion.  Isaac, Noah, and Jacob received chrismation and first holy communion, and Grace only lacked chrismation. My children have been illluminated!  (if this troubles you or makes no sense click here) 
I am so excited that the graces of all the early sacraments have been poured out on them.  During chrismation Father Danny annointed all of their senses and even their feet, singing "be sealed with the gift of the holy spirit" (i think I have the words right) over and over. In those moments I was washed over with all the wonderful things my children will do in this world. 
Following Liturgy our dear friends had a party for us and it was perfect.  Lots of people came and I just couldn't stop smiling the whole day.  The children still don't quite comprehend all of it, but that is the beauty of the sacraments, you don't have to comprehend them for them to change your soul.  Thank you Jesus.
Last night was Academic museum at the kids school.  The children displayed projects and dressed according to the subject matter.  Parents are allowed to walk the halls and sort of "quiz" the kids.  The children always do such a good job and are so poised in their speaking. 
Ok. well, for love of my family I need to create some order in my home today.   Hubby is doing a retreat this weekend and I will have the monkeys alone.  I plan frozen pizzas, movies, and lots of cuddles.  I am hoping that on Saturday I can get a picture of the kids in the Texas Bluebonnets before they are gone agian.
 

Not coffee with Not Cream

Well I am trying to figure out what on earth is going on with poor Lily and her spitting up.  I have eliminated dairy, gluten, and coffee. She is spitting up less, I hope it keeps improving.  As I sit here I am drinking herbal coffee with Coconut milk in it.  It is not that good.  I feel really good though.  It also feels very lenten to step up the sacrifice in the second half.

 This morning I was feeling pretty on top of it, and once I entered into prayer I felt frustrated,  some days I am a rock star and others I am giving up the fight, with no apparent difference in my circumstances or prayer life. His Grace is enough every day, but yet I don"t respond-  

  My failures serve to humble me and remind me of my dependence on Jesus.

  I remembered something St Terese of Lesuex said,  She referred to herself as Jesus' "plaything"-  A toy subject to his will and this pleased her.  She says this after she visited Holy Father Leo XIII in child like hopes he would give approval of her entering into the Carmelites early , (she wanted so much to be a nun) his response was that it would happen when God willed it, so her entry was  delayed, she felt alone and she said "He [Jesus] let His little ball fall to the ground and He went off to sleep" She envisioned herself as a little ball for the Child Jesus to play with, but not to simply cast aside.   Terese went on to describe her hope, in-spite of the disappointment with these words; "Jesus dreamed He was still playing with His toy, leaving it and taking it up in turns, and then having seen it roll quite far He pressed it to His heart, no longer allowing it to ever go far from His little hand"   I want to be so devoted to Him, the lover of my soul, that I can regard my self as his plaything, at the complete mercy of His will, a brush for his hand and using only the paint he provides, not seeking after what I see as brighter or better. He knows the desires of our hearts.  They are important to him only after our salvation.  TRUST

I am so glad this has gotten me to get out my copy of  The Story of a Soul by St Terese, I have read it many many times, the pages are yellowed and dog-eared and written on, I think its time to read it again.  St. Terese pray for us

Saint Pat

It is so important to me that my children wear green today, to the point that I heard my husband say to Noah "You don't HAVE to wear Green." and I took it as a personal attack and accused him of sabotage-  I can't be sure why...

Well Spring Break is ending.  Having all the kids home is so nice.  My dear friend Kelly came to visit.  I love her so! Life is easier when she is here, we made Oreo cookie balls and had such a lovely time catching up.   alas...Back to reality...I am super sad to say good bye to our sleep in days and play dates at the park.  God could not have provided better weather this week, a little taste of summer fun. We even played in the sprinkler!

Sadly I found out that my  kind hearted uncle who is quick to smile and the first to help, has very extensive cancer.   My poor mom (this is her only brother) just had to bury her father and her own mother died when she was just a girl,  as you can imagine she is very worried.   My Uncle and his wife are the best of friends.  They travel all over and enjoy each other, I know my Aunt Donna is hurting so much.  I cant even imagine facing this, hoping that your spouse will live, and knowing that the treatment will cause them to suffer.   My prayer is for his healing, and for God to shower their souls with comfort and that they can find their way to REST in Our Lord and know that he is a loving father to them. 
I heard a song yesterday called blessings, I think it is a pretty popular song, but it's the first time I heard it and ... I want to put lyrics here they moved me so much yesterday-

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise.

After a Visit

My Mom just left.  It's always sad, a let down of sorts,  when you have a visitor and then they leave. Life is back to normal, which is beautiful, but it is nice to have an adult around all day to bounce things off of, or to pick up the slack.  My mom and I  differ some in our views of how children are to be raised, or homes are to be cleaned, and frankly my poor mother gets a bit overwhelmed by the business of our home.  When you add an extra element, even when they are helpful, it can bring on more stress than usual. We abandoned some of our lenten traditions and sacrifices while she was here, I am glad to get back on track!  I do miss her though. Hopefully she will be back soon.
Jacob and Isaac had birthdays on the 4th and 5th respectively. We had, at the last minute, friends over.  We had a fire in the back and roasted marshmallows.  I feel so blessed that I could call them a few hours before and they showed up ready to celebrate! 
I worked out this morning and when I returned (after hubby left for work) the boys were busy in a blanket fort and Lily was sleeping so I took some time to pray. I was reminded about a few things I have been neglecting in my life along with the fact that my time on earth isn't getting any longer.  Some tasks I should be more attentive to, and some human weaknesses that I don't keep in check like I should.   So I made a simple plan to pay more attention to these things.  I am going to commit it to paper, it helps me to remember.  Oh the spirit of Lent.  It is reflective and repentant.  I'm grateful for the grace to stop here in the middle and recommit.  I am off to have the first cup of coffee, of the rest of my life.

Wear the baby.

I own 5 baby carriers.  A Maya Wrap, a Hot sling, a baby Bjorn, and an Ergo baby...and drum roll, my newest, a Mei Tai style carrier, and this one is by far my favorite. 
There is something so natural about tying my little Lily on.  No big hard buckles.  The crisscross back is so nice on my muscles.  It feels very "native"  and lovely to have my little papoose. 
I went to the grocery store yesterday with the 2 younger boys and baby girl in my carrier.  It was lovely.  I got lots of comments ranging from "Is that a baby in there??" to "I wish they had those types of things when my children were little"    The little Grocery store near my house is a Kroger, it has an Okay selection and pretty good prices.  One thing it has, that I can't find anywhere else, are the sweet ladies who work there.  I know 4 of them, just from coming in.  They've seen me with lots of kids and offered to help, they saw me pregnant and lifted things for me, and when I came in yesterday, they were giddy with excitement "YOU HAD THE BABY!"  They also employ many disabled individuals and they are a delight.
Also yesterday I brought a very simple meal to a young couple who just had a baby.  I am so so grateful that God gave me the grace to say yes to this little ministry of love.  (And thank you to my friend Milissa for setting up the meal schedule for them)  They have  just moved and boxes were around and this is their first baby and they were so grateful for the Chicken pot pie that was a little browner than it should be.  It reminded me of simpler times when Chris and I were younger with baby Grace, our first born.  It has been such a crazy ride since then.  Just thinking of this makes me want to call my sweet husband and tell him thank you for loving me through the years that have passed.  He is the best person I know.  Truly.