hope

I find the internet to be a distraction often, but I also find some inspiration here.  It's nice to find camaraderie among women who are living a similar life.  I learn from them,  I get tips and tricks.  My own earthly mother is lovely, but she was wounded as a child in many ways. Her own mother died when she was young and her mothering of me looked a lot like a friendship.  I treasure the women in my life that I can look to for an example of cooking, cleaning, and ordering a home.(I treasure my own sweet mother too!) I see many bad habits that become even more apparent as I age, that could have their roots in my childhood and the model that my mother gave me.  I do not blame her in anyway for this, it simply- is.
I often long to know and talk to my paternal grandmother who mothered 10 children.  She died when I was small.  I hope that she offers me her intersession in heaven.
The virtue of orderliness is a struggle for me.  I hate to get up early.  I would rather float along through life staying up late, eating out, and having others clean up my messes.  I remember thinking when I was younger that I didn't want children.  This life I lead turns me inside out.  13 years into my marriage I am still so imperfect.  I know, and my husband knows, that the desire of my heart is truly to be a good wife and mother. It would be very easy for me to give into despair when I fail.  I have a hard time living in the moment and can have an all or nothing attitude toward most things. 
My hope is that God sees my heart.  My sweet Lord knows that I want to be better and even though I rarely win the war, a battle well fought, in the moment, is pleasing and remembered by God.
Yesterday and tomorrow... heck even 5 min from this second are not real.  now-- now is all you have, do the best with it.  take it in your hands and make it right. then do that again. and again. and if  you fail. stop and pick up the next moment and do the Next right thing in that moment! yes you can.

O is for Orderliness

Each week of our homeschooling has a letter attached to it.  It helps me to have some sort of plan for snacks, virtue to be studied, and Saint for the week.  This book helped me organize our day in this way, I have had to adapt for the older children. 

Honestly, order is not my strong suit.  I sit here in a house that is getting there, but lacks an ease of use because of my lack of discipline.  My prayer, for a long time, has been that I would develop a gentle, quiet spirit and create for my family a bright, cheerful home. I start off pretty good when I commit to my sweet Christ to TRY... but it gets hard and I get a little grouchy.  I have been reading a book about virtue that has re-opened my eyes to the beauty of order.
 Order... must touch all the other virtues or those virtues will become a burden.  If the virtue of chastity or purity is out of order, it becomes prudish and judgmental.  If the virtue of gentleness is out of order it can become insecure and shy.
Some virtues come naturally and some are work.  I have to remember God is honored in that work!
 I feel like the queen of *all or nothing*.  I look at a situation and if I can't tackle it and make it pretty awesome in a short amount of time I'll turn up my nose and move on.  Order on the other hand has an element of necessary repetitiveness.  It is essential to do something over and over to make it a part of your heart, your personality.  Virtue is the HABBIT of doing good.  When you first start (or restart) something weather it is tennis or kindness it feels unnatural.  It is through training and repeating the movements ("going through the motions") that it becomes easier to you and humanly perfected.
I have to remember this with my kids.  They are young and when we discuss a virtue I want them to be emulating it with in the week.  I wouldn't expect that kind of perfection in guitar playing, or basketball.   It takes many... many weeks of going through them motions imperfectly.  Like when I remind my son to say "yes m'am"  and he slumps down with a huff and says it. Well it wasn't perfect but it was said.  With patience I (should) say "No that's now how you talk to me, lets try again" Practicing the art of virtue!