Lately my inner dialog has been like a little battle. My feelings are "self" seeking and my rational thoughts are speaking to "self" and telling her to do the right thing. I usually try to catch sourness on the plane of thoughts and root it out. I can tell it has been a while since I have been to confession when "self" begins to push out from within like a pushy bossy witch.
Oh how much "self" wants be defensive when someone has hurt her feelings, or stepped on her, oh so sensitive, toes. I have little eyes watching and little ears listening. Without the sacraments it is very difficult to keep "self" hidden from the delicate little ones in my care. I find my "self" complaining out loud about people I have taught them to respect. I find my "self" losing my temper about little things that I don't want to be important. I mostly end up hiding behind things (like computers or other meaningless activities) instead of engaging my children or husband.
So- He is my strength when I am weak and I once again turn my eyes toward heaven and ask my Abba Father to pull me out of the mess I've made, clean me up, and give me a white as snow garment to wear. He does.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Burf day
Tomorrow I turn 34. I have 5 children a husband who loves me and who takes care of and treasures our family. I sit here watching Texas football and nursing a sweet little Lily. I am who I want to be. A daughter of God, Chris' wife, my children's mother. There is someone close to me, who finds every reason not to own who they are, not to look at their life and say this is who I am and I am going to dive in and be the best at it. I don't want miss any of this beautiful life because I am looking around, or down, or back. I am seeking God's will, and I trust that he made me because he wanted to, because I am good and I know looks at me with mercy so I don't have to go around worrying about how much He loves me, I see it all over. I hope with joy that I grow in holiness and that I please Him. I'm so blessed to know how to do that. I need to love, love lots and deeply. Love my family, love my neighbor, and love my self, yup love me enough to take care of my soul and my body (I love my family by doing this too)
I have a burden though, for my country. I want to renew my desire to pray for it. I know God wants good for the USA.
I have a burden though, for my country. I want to renew my desire to pray for it. I know God wants good for the USA.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
First world problems hehe
2013 a good time to return to blogging after a hiatus.
We had a lovely Christmas, we went to mass at "Mapita's" church. It was sad to miss Christmas with our church family at St Basil's but I know it was important to her that we be with her. We went to her house where the children were given lots of gifts. The Children get a little overwhelmed, so much "stuff" at once leads to none of the gifts meaning anything. The kids become grouchy and truly over stimulated. I risk seeming ungrateful, but I have the best interest of my children at heart. I am truly grateful to her though for her intentions of making all the children feel loved and special. I have spoken to many parents who feel this way... anyway i know there are worse "problems" to have...
We spent Christmas morning here at home. Chris reads the story of the nativity and the children open a couple presents and then we head to Grandma and Grand-dad's house. There is a big meal and more presents. It was blessed.
For new years eve we went to some dear friends house where we celebrated and enjoyed time together.
Chris went back to work today. I wish he was here still but we need to ease back into school mode.
I have run out of time... back to life
We had a lovely Christmas, we went to mass at "Mapita's" church. It was sad to miss Christmas with our church family at St Basil's but I know it was important to her that we be with her. We went to her house where the children were given lots of gifts. The Children get a little overwhelmed, so much "stuff" at once leads to none of the gifts meaning anything. The kids become grouchy and truly over stimulated. I risk seeming ungrateful, but I have the best interest of my children at heart. I am truly grateful to her though for her intentions of making all the children feel loved and special. I have spoken to many parents who feel this way... anyway i know there are worse "problems" to have...
We spent Christmas morning here at home. Chris reads the story of the nativity and the children open a couple presents and then we head to Grandma and Grand-dad's house. There is a big meal and more presents. It was blessed.
For new years eve we went to some dear friends house where we celebrated and enjoyed time together.
Chris went back to work today. I wish he was here still but we need to ease back into school mode.
I have run out of time... back to life
Thursday, October 11, 2012
A little Look.
I used to keep up a blog when the big kids of this house were small and I remembering having such joy just sharing our little everyday things. I wrote it because I wanted to keep a record of life and thoughts, I lost the joy in blogging so I seek to regain it. I know bearing your soul on the net is not for everyone but I like it :) So here I go trying to recall the events of the last month
A few weeks ago we went to some events in the Arts district that occur only once a month. It was loads of fun. We were with some of our favorite friends and we did crafts, had a beer tasting, viewed works of art, ate at the base of the skyscrapers in downtown, and attended a concert- all for free.
We bought a membership to the D-town zoo. We have gone twice in the
last few weeks. One day we spent from 10am to 5pm there. We brought a
lunch and played in the water they have in the children's area.
This week has been a bust as far a home-school goes... Monday we were suppose to go to an apple orchard with a group of friends but Noah woke in the night with a fever and I woke the next day with a terrible tooth ache. This tooth has been a thorn for me for over a year.... It's a long story but I am waiting again for a root canal because of complications. Tuesday I went to the dentist in the morning and was in excruciating pain for the remainder of the day. I laid down while my poor little ones kept them selves busy and eventually I put on a movie. Wednesday the morning was spent again at the dentist, this time for the children, then the afternoon spent driving way out to piano lessons then baseball practice. So, today I set myself up to fail, I was in 'crazy catch up mode' and I have been a grouch. I finally decided after tears on my part... that we would start this week's work next week.
Tomorrow we head out to Grand-dad and Grandma Vaughan's farm. It has been in the family for 100 years and we are going to have a celebration. We are packing our sleeping bags and some guns that need to be shot :) and driving out to nowhere Texas to sleep on a screened in porch and eat home cookin' with lots of fine folks. I am delighted to have my husband all to my self in the car while the children watch a little movie and I can just listen to what ever he has to say. I look so forward to getting out there a little early and having my sweet family all to myself with no pressure to 'do school' or find somewhere fun to go or to entertain a visitor. I hope very much that it works out like I hope. But I will take what I get and have joy about God's will.
These are special days... all of the children are small enough to enjoy the same show on TV or same board game. They all like to sing in the car and take walks as a family. They all run to the door cheering when Daddy gets home. I hope it stays this way for a while.
This weather has been nice, it gives way to reflection when there is such a mild evening and I am grateful. So...Another Thursday come and now dwindling away, I hope I spent it well. Life is so short.
A few weeks ago we went to some events in the Arts district that occur only once a month. It was loads of fun. We were with some of our favorite friends and we did crafts, had a beer tasting, viewed works of art, ate at the base of the skyscrapers in downtown, and attended a concert- all for free.
We rode
the monorail and saw so many things that our heads were spinning and all
the tired little ones on the way home couldn't stop talking about the rhino
who rolled in the mud and the bird who was eating another bird! They got
to pet an opossum (which is vastly different from a possum) and feed a
giraffe and have birds land all over them. We can't wait to go back!
Tomorrow we head out to Grand-dad and Grandma Vaughan's farm. It has been in the family for 100 years and we are going to have a celebration. We are packing our sleeping bags and some guns that need to be shot :) and driving out to nowhere Texas to sleep on a screened in porch and eat home cookin' with lots of fine folks. I am delighted to have my husband all to my self in the car while the children watch a little movie and I can just listen to what ever he has to say. I look so forward to getting out there a little early and having my sweet family all to myself with no pressure to 'do school' or find somewhere fun to go or to entertain a visitor. I hope very much that it works out like I hope. But I will take what I get and have joy about God's will.
These are special days... all of the children are small enough to enjoy the same show on TV or same board game. They all like to sing in the car and take walks as a family. They all run to the door cheering when Daddy gets home. I hope it stays this way for a while.
This weather has been nice, it gives way to reflection when there is such a mild evening and I am grateful. So...Another Thursday come and now dwindling away, I hope I spent it well. Life is so short.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
The Grace is there.
What a week. I never knew I could be spread so thin yet never leave the walls of this house. I want to be clear though, I am not complaining. This first week of homeschooling was a lovely learning experience. I learned about my children and tons about myself. And hey, guess what- I Can Do It! The weekend has never been so sweet though :) I also have been wanting to go to bed with the children around 8pm for the first time ever... but that time alone with my sweet husband, after they are tucked in, is to valuable to miss.
I am grateful to my little ones for being so patient with me. I am a sinner, imperfect and selfish. My family loves me in the way My Lord does, past my faults, even embracing the darn things. I am in love with this new life. It has only begun and I suspect in a few months (or possibly days.) I will be more than ready for a vacation, but I felt like that when they were leaving everyday to be educated by others.
I go to a women's group once a month (well most of the time) it is associated with Opus Dei. At the most recent one, my circle leader talked about "asking for the moon" when it comes to the saint's intersession. Through God all things are possible. So I have asked for the intersession of St Margret of Scotland, I want her to fly to the throne of God and tell him that I don't want to yell in my home anymore. I don't want to be the big mouth scary lady that I can often be when my children are disobedient. I am laying it at the feet of Jesus and I know that his plans for me are for a hope and a future, and not for evil or woe (Jeremiah 29:11, our memory verse this week)
She also shared with us a little booklet called "Bright and Cheerful homes" which you can download for free. I have only read a little, but the conviction of it all...the weight of what we as parents...as mothers are intrusted with is big...the most important. Forming little people to be other Christs in this world, nothing more, nothing less. Set aside your emotion and do it. I set the tone during the day in these walls, it will be a place of peace, a soft place to land, a place where the boundaries are clearly set and are enforced with a smile and a strong sense of obligation on my part. Short is my time with them... I am grateful for this tug from the Holy Spirit. (I am thankful for my husband and partner in this endeavor)
Dancing with Baby... I love what happens in this house when music is on :) <3
I am grateful to my little ones for being so patient with me. I am a sinner, imperfect and selfish. My family loves me in the way My Lord does, past my faults, even embracing the darn things. I am in love with this new life. It has only begun and I suspect in a few months (or possibly days.) I will be more than ready for a vacation, but I felt like that when they were leaving everyday to be educated by others.
I go to a women's group once a month (well most of the time) it is associated with Opus Dei. At the most recent one, my circle leader talked about "asking for the moon" when it comes to the saint's intersession. Through God all things are possible. So I have asked for the intersession of St Margret of Scotland, I want her to fly to the throne of God and tell him that I don't want to yell in my home anymore. I don't want to be the big mouth scary lady that I can often be when my children are disobedient. I am laying it at the feet of Jesus and I know that his plans for me are for a hope and a future, and not for evil or woe (Jeremiah 29:11, our memory verse this week)
She also shared with us a little booklet called "Bright and Cheerful homes" which you can download for free. I have only read a little, but the conviction of it all...the weight of what we as parents...as mothers are intrusted with is big...the most important. Forming little people to be other Christs in this world, nothing more, nothing less. Set aside your emotion and do it. I set the tone during the day in these walls, it will be a place of peace, a soft place to land, a place where the boundaries are clearly set and are enforced with a smile and a strong sense of obligation on my part. Short is my time with them... I am grateful for this tug from the Holy Spirit. (I am thankful for my husband and partner in this endeavor)
Dancing with Baby... I love what happens in this house when music is on :) <3
Friday, August 17, 2012
John 15:5
We start schooling Monday.
I have been spending more time reading about and pondering all that this year may bring. It is becoming clear that simplicity is the way that will best ease our family into this school year. I have meditated upon the Holy family and how simple and real their life was. I have asked our sweet Lord to pour that simplicity out onto my family. This has helped me to be less complex in my thoughts, let go of reading into things people may do or say, to stop inserting myself into what others are saying. I pray I can listen simply and respond plainly even with regards to interacting with my children while working on school work or correcting faults in them. Watch and listen with plain eyes simply observing, then in a non-complex (with out over analyzing emotions) respond clearly. (I apply this to my sweet husband too)
Baby Lily recently stopped napping well. This sent me into a bit of a worry because I need that time with out my clingy little monkey to spend time, single minded, on a child who may need some extra help with a lesson. I downloaded The Baby Whisperer onto the Kindle. I dove into all she had to say. Much of which centers around respect of your baby and their cues. Paying attention to her so you can know how to direct their actions, sleepy cues lead to napping... I have also learned, over these years now that I have 5 souls under my care, that not every word in any book will help you. Just, (as my mom says) "glean from it what you can use and throw out the rest" :) This book opened my eyes to the fact that I don't expect much of a schedule from myself so therefor I am not creating an environment where Lily knows what to expect next. A baby needs a routine, and I know that this was just the good Lord saying once again "See, it all fits together" homeschooling will put us all on a routine and baby Lily will thrive.
Catholic Heritage Curricula is what we have chosen to educate our littles with. Oh how I love it. All the stories and even the spelling and history are authenticity Catholic. The lesson plans are direct and I know we will have success in this year. I did observe that the 3rd grade reading is a bit advanced for Isaac so I chatted via email with their Mom's support and they helped me to adapt and get some supplemental stuff for him. I love that there is not pressure to make him conform to the level 3. I can work with him where he is until he masters reading and then move on at his pace. It really fills my heart with joy to attend to their needs in this way.
So starting Monday I am going to fight the good fight to wake up before the children and shower and pray and be ready for the day "Wake up before the chaos starts, so it won't" St. Josemaria described the moment of waking as being a heroic moment, don't snooze, get up- be strong...start your day with Jesus by your side.
One of my confessors told me to talk to Mary during the day and ask her "Please keep my little boat from tipping over" I have said this many times since. <3
I have been spending more time reading about and pondering all that this year may bring. It is becoming clear that simplicity is the way that will best ease our family into this school year. I have meditated upon the Holy family and how simple and real their life was. I have asked our sweet Lord to pour that simplicity out onto my family. This has helped me to be less complex in my thoughts, let go of reading into things people may do or say, to stop inserting myself into what others are saying. I pray I can listen simply and respond plainly even with regards to interacting with my children while working on school work or correcting faults in them. Watch and listen with plain eyes simply observing, then in a non-complex (with out over analyzing emotions) respond clearly. (I apply this to my sweet husband too)
Baby Lily recently stopped napping well. This sent me into a bit of a worry because I need that time with out my clingy little monkey to spend time, single minded, on a child who may need some extra help with a lesson. I downloaded The Baby Whisperer onto the Kindle. I dove into all she had to say. Much of which centers around respect of your baby and their cues. Paying attention to her so you can know how to direct their actions, sleepy cues lead to napping... I have also learned, over these years now that I have 5 souls under my care, that not every word in any book will help you. Just, (as my mom says) "glean from it what you can use and throw out the rest" :) This book opened my eyes to the fact that I don't expect much of a schedule from myself so therefor I am not creating an environment where Lily knows what to expect next. A baby needs a routine, and I know that this was just the good Lord saying once again "See, it all fits together" homeschooling will put us all on a routine and baby Lily will thrive.
Catholic Heritage Curricula is what we have chosen to educate our littles with. Oh how I love it. All the stories and even the spelling and history are authenticity Catholic. The lesson plans are direct and I know we will have success in this year. I did observe that the 3rd grade reading is a bit advanced for Isaac so I chatted via email with their Mom's support and they helped me to adapt and get some supplemental stuff for him. I love that there is not pressure to make him conform to the level 3. I can work with him where he is until he masters reading and then move on at his pace. It really fills my heart with joy to attend to their needs in this way.
So starting Monday I am going to fight the good fight to wake up before the children and shower and pray and be ready for the day "Wake up before the chaos starts, so it won't" St. Josemaria described the moment of waking as being a heroic moment, don't snooze, get up- be strong...start your day with Jesus by your side.
One of my confessors told me to talk to Mary during the day and ask her "Please keep my little boat from tipping over" I have said this many times since. <3
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Letter to a friend
The dicipline of keeping up my blog is a bit of a challenge here lately.
I am excited to report that our school books come today and I can't wait! I wrote a letter to a long lost friend from College this morning and I wanted to record it here so I could have it. It is a lovely account of my children's personalities through my eyes. :)
Hey Robin,
I was excited to get your reply, but alas this crazy life took over and I am just now getting time to properly reply. So to answer your questions...
I have 5 little ones the oldest is Grace, she is 10years old, she is the mother hen of the house. She is sensitive and kind. She loves to help out and is enamored with our youngest who is 7 months old. She has a strong sense of Modesty even beyond my own, honestly. Grace has such a love for her daddy, some might say she is a Daddy's girl but her and I have such a special relationship I would be hard pressed to describe her that way :) She has a natural tendency toward the good.
Isaac is 7, He is a man of resources. He collects items (usually hiding them in his bed because this is his only space that is truly his own) he is keenly aware of how much change is in his piggy bank and what could be purchased with it. He is growing in responsibility and has such a place in his heart for me and my feelings. Often asking if I am Ok through out the day or offering to lighten my load. His tendency toward good, though, is more of a struggle ;)
Noah is 6, oh my...Noah...where do I start. He is so sweet, such a heart for the concerns of others and so quick to accept correction and make amends. He is very funny and quirky. His obliviousness to what is going on around him, proves often times, to be a source of humor for our family. He feels deeply. He Loves Everyone and talks to everyone. He has a special innocent affinity for pretty teenage girls, which we think comes from our years of doing youth ministry..hehe
Jacob is 3. He is my little rigid guy. He has the way he likes things done and he gets quite agitated if things don't work out like he sees fit. He is just at an age where he needs lots of extra attention and kind words for his world to stay on it's proper tilt. He is my sweet teddy bear of a boy. He wears his heart on his sleeve.
Lily is 7 months and is the light of our home. What a happy smiley little girl! The children love her and she is my constant accessory :) always in my arms or I am wearing her in the baby carrier. Grace is happy to have a sister. I wish I could have recorded the moment Grace met Lily at the hospital. Her reaction was priceless, I believe it was a squeal of sheer happiness that I heard.
My life is spent mostly in my home, it's hard to get out these days. I have lots of supportive friends who have large families. We are starting home schooling this year. Catholic school, although wonderful, became too expensive with all these little people to educate. I feel confident that we will have a wonderful year and leave all the details in God's hands. Prayers on this subject are welcomed!!
My husband Chris Loves his job. We have had such a journey through ministry to get to this place for him. Life is good and our Marriage is my favorite thing about this life!
I enjoyed writing this very much. I hope you enjoy reading all these details and they aren't too cumbersome. I will love to hear more about you too!
Christ's peace,
Angie
I am excited to report that our school books come today and I can't wait! I wrote a letter to a long lost friend from College this morning and I wanted to record it here so I could have it. It is a lovely account of my children's personalities through my eyes. :)
Hey Robin,
I was excited to get your reply, but alas this crazy life took over and I am just now getting time to properly reply. So to answer your questions...
I have 5 little ones the oldest is Grace, she is 10years old, she is the mother hen of the house. She is sensitive and kind. She loves to help out and is enamored with our youngest who is 7 months old. She has a strong sense of Modesty even beyond my own, honestly. Grace has such a love for her daddy, some might say she is a Daddy's girl but her and I have such a special relationship I would be hard pressed to describe her that way :) She has a natural tendency toward the good.
Isaac is 7, He is a man of resources. He collects items (usually hiding them in his bed because this is his only space that is truly his own) he is keenly aware of how much change is in his piggy bank and what could be purchased with it. He is growing in responsibility and has such a place in his heart for me and my feelings. Often asking if I am Ok through out the day or offering to lighten my load. His tendency toward good, though, is more of a struggle ;)
Noah is 6, oh my...Noah...where do I start. He is so sweet, such a heart for the concerns of others and so quick to accept correction and make amends. He is very funny and quirky. His obliviousness to what is going on around him, proves often times, to be a source of humor for our family. He feels deeply. He Loves Everyone and talks to everyone. He has a special innocent affinity for pretty teenage girls, which we think comes from our years of doing youth ministry..hehe
Jacob is 3. He is my little rigid guy. He has the way he likes things done and he gets quite agitated if things don't work out like he sees fit. He is just at an age where he needs lots of extra attention and kind words for his world to stay on it's proper tilt. He is my sweet teddy bear of a boy. He wears his heart on his sleeve.
Lily is 7 months and is the light of our home. What a happy smiley little girl! The children love her and she is my constant accessory :) always in my arms or I am wearing her in the baby carrier. Grace is happy to have a sister. I wish I could have recorded the moment Grace met Lily at the hospital. Her reaction was priceless, I believe it was a squeal of sheer happiness that I heard.
My life is spent mostly in my home, it's hard to get out these days. I have lots of supportive friends who have large families. We are starting home schooling this year. Catholic school, although wonderful, became too expensive with all these little people to educate. I feel confident that we will have a wonderful year and leave all the details in God's hands. Prayers on this subject are welcomed!!
My husband Chris Loves his job. We have had such a journey through ministry to get to this place for him. Life is good and our Marriage is my favorite thing about this life!
I enjoyed writing this very much. I hope you enjoy reading all these details and they aren't too cumbersome. I will love to hear more about you too!
Christ's peace,
Angie
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