Not coffee with Not Cream

Well I am trying to figure out what on earth is going on with poor Lily and her spitting up.  I have eliminated dairy, gluten, and coffee. She is spitting up less, I hope it keeps improving.  As I sit here I am drinking herbal coffee with Coconut milk in it.  It is not that good.  I feel really good though.  It also feels very lenten to step up the sacrifice in the second half.

 This morning I was feeling pretty on top of it, and once I entered into prayer I felt frustrated,  some days I am a rock star and others I am giving up the fight, with no apparent difference in my circumstances or prayer life. His Grace is enough every day, but yet I don"t respond-  

  My failures serve to humble me and remind me of my dependence on Jesus.

  I remembered something St Terese of Lesuex said,  She referred to herself as Jesus' "plaything"-  A toy subject to his will and this pleased her.  She says this after she visited Holy Father Leo XIII in child like hopes he would give approval of her entering into the Carmelites early , (she wanted so much to be a nun) his response was that it would happen when God willed it, so her entry was  delayed, she felt alone and she said "He [Jesus] let His little ball fall to the ground and He went off to sleep" She envisioned herself as a little ball for the Child Jesus to play with, but not to simply cast aside.   Terese went on to describe her hope, in-spite of the disappointment with these words; "Jesus dreamed He was still playing with His toy, leaving it and taking it up in turns, and then having seen it roll quite far He pressed it to His heart, no longer allowing it to ever go far from His little hand"   I want to be so devoted to Him, the lover of my soul, that I can regard my self as his plaything, at the complete mercy of His will, a brush for his hand and using only the paint he provides, not seeking after what I see as brighter or better. He knows the desires of our hearts.  They are important to him only after our salvation.  TRUST

I am so glad this has gotten me to get out my copy of  The Story of a Soul by St Terese, I have read it many many times, the pages are yellowed and dog-eared and written on, I think its time to read it again.  St. Terese pray for us