Joy down in my heart.

My start this time is a question.  What does God want me to do?  He has clearly given me charge of 5 souls.  I know mostly my parenting consists in giving them back to Him.  But the part that I have in my hands, how do I fashion it into what he wants?  I resoundingly hear Him asking of me JOY, be a joyful Christian, a joyful woman, wife and mother. Just as soon as I say Yes Lord, I find my self frustrated and grouching at my children and being critical of my husband. 
I have denied it and tried to do with out it, but I know that the answer is the sacraments.  Confession, go more than you think you should. Eucharist, receive more than Sunday.   Visit our Lord in the tabernacle.  We attend an Eastern rite Catholic Church.  I love it there. The liturgy is so beautiful.  It turns my eyes toward heaven.  I leave Liturgy with a renewed sense of being a daughter of God.  Sadly, though, since I began to attend my little Eastern church I have abandon my fervor for the sacraments. I find myself giving into false humility prompted by Satan at how often I fall. Today during Liturgy I had a loud voice in my head telling me that in my current state I do not deserve to be there.  Then I hear the Lord counter, "My daughter you never deserve to be here, but I love you and you are mine and I want you here" I resolve to seek your grace Lord in the sacraments of your church more often this lent.  "O God come to my aid; O Lord make haste to help me" (Psalm 70:1)