Lately my inner dialog has been like a little battle. My feelings are "self" seeking and my rational thoughts are speaking to "self" and telling her to do the right thing. I usually try to catch sourness on the plane of thoughts and root it out. I can tell it has been a while since I have been to confession when "self" begins to push out from within like a pushy bossy witch.
Oh how much "self" wants be defensive when someone has hurt her feelings, or stepped on her, oh so sensitive, toes. I have little eyes watching and little ears listening. Without the sacraments it is very difficult to keep "self" hidden from the delicate little ones in my care. I find my "self" complaining out loud about people I have taught them to respect. I find my "self" losing my temper about little things that I don't want to be important. I mostly end up hiding behind things (like computers or other meaningless activities) instead of engaging my children or husband.
So- He is my strength when I am weak and I once again turn my eyes toward heaven and ask my Abba Father to pull me out of the mess I've made, clean me up, and give me a white as snow garment to wear. He does.
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