the gang

I love when our family is traveling in a pack. If I had it my way we would even take grocery trips as a family (husband included of course!)  Today we spent time with friends and the boys skipped going to Boy Scouts and we were all together.  I feel so happy and peaceful about it all.  For a moment though, as we were driving home a thought came,  what's it all for?  What do I hope to instill in these people with my diligence in keeping them so very close to me.  I hope it gives them a sense of security.  I want them to be loyal and I want to protect them.  I hope that as they grow up they will keep their families close to Chris and I and their children close to them. I have such a sad feeling when I sit and think of an empty home, and all the littles off living separate lives, crossing mine only here and there.  I have a good friend, one whom I respect, that when we discussed this, she looked ahead with joy at her kids leaving and getting to spend retired years with her husband.  I have a hard time with that.  I of course, love my sweet husband and I do love to spend time with him.  I can't though, shake the edge of sadness that comes when I think about the days of no more legos to step on and no more constant "mom, mom, mom!"  My only solution to this is a general one.  Trust in God,  and rely not on your own understanding.  Life is good and it makes sense as it is because all we have is the present.  I can't wrap my head around a "what if".  When we get there God will be there too, and I will have the grace to have peace in those moments too.